I've written so many blog posts in my head over the past month or two. But I would have had to write them from my phone. And I never felt up to that effort.
And now that I'm here, I'm not sure what to write.
But I feel like I have to because I've wanted to for so long. There's something about typing it all down that just helps.
It's been a long road. I guess it will continue to be. And maybe it is for everyone.
It's been so many ups and downs. Well, mostly downs. But, it's been kind of a crazy ride since I left the hospital. They've changed my meds a few times and I'm learning that that can be a difficult transition. I just got put on a medication that kind of knocks me out. Which is awesome at night (I've slept through the night every night since I started it--that NEVER happens. Usually I'm up several times). But I have to take it at morning and noon as well. And that's rough.
It's been building every day and the past couple of days it has left me completely lethargic. I don't want to get up. Showering is a chore. And doing my hair and make up? Bleh. Forget cleaning and cooking, too.
It's kind of a mess.
We have a few really big things going on this week and I just don't want to have anything to do with them.
I just want to do nothing.
There's not much of the depression involved in this. Which is a good thing. Because that would probably push me over the edge.
But I feel the depression creeping in. And I'm worried what will happen. I talked to my doctor about it, and he said I can switch up how I take it--more at night, less during the day. I forgot to do that today. And at some point, the benefits of the medication will kick in. And the sleepiness factor might lessen.
And maybe I'll be okay.
I did have a few good days last week. Not really the hypomania. Just normal, stable happiness. I don't really know how to describe how fabulous it was. I'm so sad it's over.
My new therapist (I have a new new therapist) is an expert on bipolar and bipolar II. This is fantastic because he is teaching me so much and it's amazing to understand why I think and behave the way I do, and to learn ways to mitigate the negative to some degree.
But, sometimes the information is hard to take.
Like when he told me that someone with Bipolar II typically spends 90% of life in the depression phase and 10% in the hypomanic.
So, I'm hoping that my good days aren't really over yet, but that they're just being overshadowed by my new med. I don't want to be headed down again. I just came from there. And I don't like it.
I better close this super cheery post because it's almost dinner time and I'm the only one here who can make it.