Monday, February 28, 2011

Day 394: Double Trouble

Today was Little M's first day of violin lessons!

I know, a part of me has been questioning this as well.  But I've thought long and hard and HH and I both decided this was a good (probably the best) time to start.

And today went fantastically well!  It was SO DANG CUTE!  Totally my Joyful Moment.  And it's amazing how much he has picked up from watching Sweet P.  I'm sure he will cruise through the first bit much more quickly.  It doesn't hurt that I will know what I'm doing as well.  In the Suzuki method, the parent is heavily involved.

He's still working with the cardboard violin, so that wonderful day of listening to two little screeching violins is not yet here.

I'm anxiously awaiting that day.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments with just one (or none) screeching violins!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Day 393: 100%

That's what you're both supposed to give in marriage, you know.  It's not 50% each equals 100%, it's both partners giving all they've got.  That's what makes it work.

I know this because we always do this because we have a perfect marriage.

Ha Ha.

So, last night, for some bizarre reason, after all our fun evening and returning the baby sitter to her home, we decided to watch a movie.  It was late.  LATE.  But we watched it anyway.  And boy, were we tired when it was over and we finally headed to bed!

Oddly enough, we felt even more tired when the kids woke us up this morning waaaaaaaay earlier than normal.  And they woke Baby B up, too.  Normally, when we're both this tired we kind of moan and groan and hope the other one will get up and take care of the kids.  But this morning, HH got up and took care of things.  And then I heard Baby B still fussing (even though I'd already fed him) and I know this is hard on HH because usually Baby B just needs me to calm down.  So, I got up, too.

Maybe none of that seems monumental.  But we just spent the rest of the morning taking care of each other and trying to serve one another.  And it was my Joyful Moment.  Just loving each other.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments where everyone gives 100%!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Day 392: Ice-O-Rama

So, I think I mentioned that a weekend, or two, ago we were supposed to go ice skating with a bunch of friends.  But then we had a week of 50-60 degree weather and the ice melted!  And then I was mad that I couldn't be 100% thrilled to be having such *warm* weather in the middle of February.  We wound up having our fun party at our house and all was well.

Except that some of us were still a little sad about not going ice skating.

Fast forward to yesterday.  We were going to drive up to the Big City to go furniture shopping, but we've had some cold, snowy weather the last few days and decided yesterday morning that it would be safer to wait and go another day when the roads were clear.  I was momentarily bummed out, but then a fabulous idea began brewing in my brain.  If it was too cold to shop for bedroom furniture, then it would be cold enough to have ice!  I mentioned the idea to HH, we called our favorite baby sitter and found out she was available, and then our plans were set.

Since it was such short notice, I decided to call rather than email an invite to our friends.  I kind of went crazy (didn't want anyone to feel left out) and spent quite a bit of time on the phone in between the morning  workout (set up a new workout for HH), violin lessons, and some errands.  We got together a small group and then carpooled up to the rink.

And the whole night was a Joyful Moment.  We had a great time visiting the whole drive there and back, and of course, had a fabulously fun time on the ice!  And when we got back, some friends who weren't into ice skating, invited everyone over for hot cocoa and cookies!  Yummy!

It was so much fun!

Wishing you all Joyful Moments full of spontaneity!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Day 391: A Love Text

  HH sent me one of those today.  And it was my Joyful Moment.  In it he told me again that last night's dinner was great, thanked me for it, and told me he loved me and was looking forward to hanging out tonight.

Awww!  He's so sweet.  I know.  I love him.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments that keep your love tank F-U-L-L!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Day 390: I'm Happy In The Kitchen

Baby B says, "mama" all the time.  And quite indiscriminately.  But tonight, HH was holding him and he saw me then reached for me and said, "Mama".  It probably meant nothing, but it made my heart go all pitter patter anyway.  And it was still a Joyful Moment--even if it wasn't real.

We fed three 20-year old missionaries tonight and another gentleman from church.  And the above is what I told them after receiving their compliments on the meal.  And it's true.  I really am happy in the kitchen.  I wouldn't want to spend all day in it like I did today, but I love to bake and cook.  Especially for grateful eaters.  And everyone at the table was tonight.  The whole meal went over well, even with the kids.  Feeding a small army and having each of them leave the table with happy bellies was tonight's "real" Joyful Moment.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments with happy bellies!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Day 389: Practice, Practice, Praaaactice!

There are at least two of you who should be able to sing the title in your head just the way I typed it.  I'll give you a hint:  You're both my sisters.

Anyway, today Sweet P and I had the best violin practice.  EVER.  It started out a little rocky, but quickly picked up.  She was really focused and trying to improve.  And she wanted to practice her new piece again, just to get it a little better.

So we shared an excited hug at the end as I gushed to her all my enthusiasm over her attitude and effort.  And it was just a fabulous Joyful Moment.  We're getting there!

Wishing you all Joyful Moments in getting to wherever "there" is for you!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Day 388: Thanks

So, there is someone that I've been wanting to send a "Thank You" to for a very long time.  But I've been in search of the perfect "thing" and coming up empty.  It involved a list of very specific and sometimes odd criteria.

Well, today I finally came across something that fit the bill *almost* perfectly.  And that was totally my Joyful Moment!  I'm so excited to send it and finally fully express my appreciation (don't worry--I already gave a verbal and written "thank you", it's just that these are really special circumstances).

So, it was a Joyful Moment in part because I get to check something off of the Big To-Do List, but also because I'm relieved to finally be able to repay in a small way a huge service someone did for us.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments that are dual in purpose!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Day 387: Kneaded

Today was crazy.

I wish I could say that my Joyful Moment was hearing Justin Bieber's "Never Say Never" for the first time--just out of principle.  But it absolutely was not.  In fact, I couldn't even listen to more than 7 seconds of it.  Sorry, JB.

But this morning I made bread.  My bread recipe that I seem to tweak just a bit more each time.  And, though it was amazing the first time I tried it, it gets better and better with each little tweak.  Plus, I just love baking.  I've been realizing over the last few months just how therapeutic baking is for me.  I LOVE BAKING!

So, today's Joyful Moment was both making and eating my bread.

Wishing you all whole-grain goodness with your Joyful Moments--with or without Justin Bieber, depending on your preferences!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Day 386: Downhill

That's how our day went.  Not that things are perfectly dreadful right now, they just aren't great.  Baby B developed a fever during church that just got worse and worse as he grew more and more lethargic and sad.  So, he and I rushed over to the urgent care and then to the pharmacy for yet another antibiotic to treat yet another ear infection (I questioned the doctor about prescribing the antibiotic and boy, did I get an earful!)

He is just the saddest I've ever seen him.  And it's SO sad.

And then, we're watching a friend's son for a few days while she and her husband are out of town.  He's been pretty mellow and good, but my children have turned into maniacal monsters.  And there's NO school tomorrow!  I'm scared...

But this morning, after Baby B finished nursing, he just lay in my bed with me and we snuggled and smiled together.  He wasn't acting sick yet, so we just enjoyed cuddling and bonding.  And that was my Joyful Moment.  And based on how the rest of his day went, I'm pretty sure that was Baby B's Joyful Moment as well.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments and days that go uphill!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Day 385: Down By Two

The kids had a birthday party this morning.  So, it was just me, HH, and Baby B.  I felt ecstatic!  Like we could go do anything.  Life is just so much less complicated with only one child.  One immobile child.  Of course, I love and adore the older two.  It's just challenging to go certain places with them.  Like, most places.

Like furniture stores.  So, this morning, in their absence, we went to a couple furniture stores.  And shopped for bedroom furniture!  Which is super exciting.  And I got to hang out with my HH without ever having to demand that someone stick right by me.  Or, "Don't touch that!"  Or, anything else of that nature.  It was fantastic.  And very Joyful Moment-esque.

And I'm very excited to maybe be getting a bedroom set, after only 8 years!

Wishing you all Joyful Moments that take less than 8 years!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Day 384: Soiree

Tonight we were supposed to be ice skating with a TON of friends.  But then it was warm warm warm all week.  And really can't complain about beautiful warm weather in mid-February.  Even when it ruins my plans for a romantic date.

So, instead we had everyone come here.  And it was a TON of fun!  So, that was my Joyful Moment--having a house full of friends and laughter.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments, friends, and laughter!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Day 383: Exactly

What I needed.  That is what HH gave me tonight.

Today was another long day.  Not nearly so much whining, just very very busy.  So, after dinner HH insisted I go take a break while he take care of the kids and kitchen clean up.  I insisted on taking Baby B and getting him ready for bed because he was more than exhausted from our busy day and needed that.  But since that just involved getting his pajamas on and then nursing him as he drifted of to La La Land, that was no big deal.

And as I reclined on my bed while holding my sleeping baby and listening to a book HH downloaded for me on his ipod, I was finally able to relax.  And my tired legs finally eased their aching.

And after a while HH came to get me for Family Scripture Study and Prayer.  It was such a fabulous Joyful Moment to see the kids all ready for bed and the kitchen (mostly) clean.  I had made a huge mess of it in my frantic effort to pull off a homemade meal in 20 minutes after we arrived home from a doctor's appointment.

I feel so lucky to have an HH who takes such great care of me.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments from someone taking such great care of you!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Day 383: Doozy

That's what today was.  You'd think there was something nasty in the air for how grumpy my children were.  All My Children.  Technically, there should have been an "of" in there, but then I couldn't make it sound like my life is just like a soap opera.  And it SO is.

Because I'm pretty sure all soaps involve three young, adorable children who woke up one morning and decided to whine and cry incessantly.

Normally, when all three are this way (actually, it's usually just the older two because Baby B is never whiny--until today, of course) it's my fault.  If I'm grumpy, or depressed, it tends to set everyone off.  But today I'm happy.  And we have gorgeous, warm weather for the third day in a row!  I even took the boys out to play outside (Little M got to ride his Christmas scooter!).  But to no avail.  They were happy outside, but as soon as we came back in, they returned to whining and crying.

And Sweet P actually began her crying on the way home from the school bus.  Sah-weet!

And by some miracle, I managed to stay relatively calm and upbeat throughout the whole ordeal.  And even encouraged HH to continue his new workout regimen at the gym, instead of being whiny and needy myself.  (I'm so proud of myself today--can you tell?)  But on his way out, HH requested that I play the piano while he was gone.

It's funny, because I was SOOOOO excited to get that piano, but I'm so unused to having one, I seldom remember to play it on the rare occasion that I get the chance.  So, as soon as he said that, I sat down and played.  Hooray for headphones!  That meant I could play with as much volume and gusto as I desired regardless of the fact that my children were still falling asleep, right across the hall.  And that was totally my Joyful Moment for the day.  And I'm so grateful for an HH who knows that that is exactly what I needed after a day like today.  It was a great way to relax and recover from the day's stress and discomfort. Playing the piano brings me so much peace and joy.  It's one of the best medicines for me.

Thanks, HH.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments straight out of a soap opera--just like mine!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Day 382: Concoction

Rice is good for you  + We have a gazillion pounds of it +  My kids are not huge fans of it = Unhappy Meal Time.

So, tonight I mixed it up.  Literally.  White rice, brown rice, quinoa, barley, and corn grits.  And then instead of serving it with stir fry and soy sauce, I served it with a little butter and some seasonings they like, with a large helping of steamed broccoli on the side.

HUGE hit!  And my Joyful Moment.

Wishing you all glorious concocted Joyful Moments!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Day 381: Be Mine

Smelling these roses that HH had delivered today was a lovely Joyful Moment.  And I know eating those chocolates will be Joyful Moments in the days to come!

As was beginning a new Valentine's Day tradition with the family.  We took turns going around and telling each other things we love about one another.  And we video taped the whole thing.  I know this tradition and the videos will be Joyful Moments in the years to come.

Wishing you all a day full of love and Joyful Moments!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Day 380: Home

Little M was still deathly ill upon waking this morning.  I'm beginning to fear the worst (a.k.a The Dreaded Rotavirus).  And Baby B finished up his most recent day and a half of wellness and is congested and cough-y again.  So, HH stayed home from church with the Sickies, while Sweet P and I went.  I had to go because I was teaching the lesson.

Baby B went down for a nap about 2 1/2 hours before I left and was still asleep then.  Plus, 3 hours from church, and it was about 6 hours away from each other.  And I totally missed him!

So, seeing his gorgeous smile that is mine, all mine when I arrived home and then snuggling him and making him giggle--that was today's Joyful Moment.

It never ceases to amaze me how much peace and comfort one little baby can bring.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments far, far away from The Dreaded Rotavirus!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Day 379: Blessed Sunshine

Everywhere I've lived people have talked about the "Crazy Weather" and how rapidly it can change from warm to cold, or sun to rain.  What's funny to me is that these people act like it's something true of only their location.  In all other areas, the weather obeys the rules and follows set patterns.

I'm here to break some startling news:  Weather is unpredictable.  No matter where you live.  Except Hawaii, which my mama has led me to believe always has perfect weather.  I've never been there to confirm this, and kind of suspect that it is really a subtle effort to convince me to move there so she can have a free place to stay when she travels.  Which would, of course, be a Joyful Moment, but is really a topic for another day.

My point is that the North Pole is subject to such crazy weather changes.  Much of the time (particularly in the winter), I don't love this.  But today, it brought beautiful sunshine and a temperature in the upper 40's.  That's downright tropical for these parts.  And standing outside in it at the dog run (poor Z has really been at her wits end of late) was today's Joyful Moment.

And given that we only had a few hours of sleep last night because Little M began his first experience of throwing up at 2:30 AM and then let the party continue, and I've suffered a set back in what appears to be a potentially race-ruining foot injury--well, I'm extra grateful for that bit of sun we received today.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments and Crazy Weather that's crazy in your favor!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Day 378: Date Night

Tonight was the annual Daddy Daughter Dance at the Y.  Sweet P has been counting down the days.  And so has Little M.  Because, apparently, he remembered our date from last year as well.  The one where we made doughnuts and watched a movie.

And he just knew that's exactly what we'd do again.

So, we did.

We just finished watching "The Sword in the Stone".  And my tummy hurts because it just doesn't handle doughnuts like it used to.  But he makes a great date.  Listening to him laugh uncontrollably when the girl squirrel falls in love with Wart the Squirrel was totally my Joyful Moment.

And he's missing me now, so I'm off!

Wishing you all Joyful Moments with a very handsome and giggly Little M (not mine though.  He's taken.  You'll have to get your own)!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Day 377: Peek-a-Boo!

This picture makes me laugh.  The look on his face is just hilarious.  Not the most intelligent, but still priceless.

So, Baby B got super giggly tonight, just before getting everyone ready for bed.  Like, slap-happy, sleep-drunk giggly.  It was so stinkin' cute!

HH was holding him and we were playing peek-a-boo behind HH's back.  You know the drill--I'd pop out behind one shoulder, get a belly-busting giggle from Baby B, and then pop out behind the other shoulder and get another belly-busting giggle.  Over and over and over and over.

When you've got a baby giggling like that, you really can't stop.  It's just too fun.  And too cute.  And too fun.  And cute.  So, you keep going and the baby gets more and more tired and more and more ridiculous.  And it's wonderful.  And a Joyful Moment beyond compare.

I love being a mama.

Wishing you all belly-busting Joyful Moments!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Day 376: Oh, Crepe!

We had crepes for dinner tonight.  I love when the kids ask what I'm making for dinner, and then respond with a loudly exclaimed, "Yay!" when I tell them what it is.  And then when HH does the same when he gets home and learns what we'll be eating.

Crepes are one of those things.

I'm still in search of the perfect crepe recipe, but I think I might have found the basis for it today.  I was feeling pretty good about it already, but when HH commented on how tasty they were while we were cleaning up tonight--that was my Joyful Moment.  Is that weird?  It just makes me feel really good to know that I'm getting closer to a perfect recipe.

Now I just have to figure what to tweak.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments in finding yourself a little closer to perfection--even if it's just with a crepe recipe!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Day 375: Baby Boot Camp

No, it wasn't a boot camp for babies.  Or, even for people who have babies.  It was just a baby of a boot camp.

I was invited to teach an exercise class for the Young Women (girls ages 12-18) at church tonight.  And I decided to do a boot camp type activity, so we could incorporate aerobic, resistance training, and stretching.  HH says that I tend to go overboard and make things too hard when I teach exercise classes/activities.  So, this time I took it down a notch and made sure to have modifications for every activity.  And then I ran HH through an abbreviated version of it and I got the stamp of approval from him!

Then I went and did it with the girls.  It's hard to say because I don't know most of them very well at all, but I thought it went over pretty well.  If anything, it could have been a little tougher, but at least it didn't leave any of them feeling discouraged.  It was a lot of fun and I was really proud of myself.  Then I concluded by reading parts of the last half of The Word of Wisdom, from the Doctrine and Covenants.  I'm not qualified to dispense much nutritional advice, but it doesn't get more sound than that.

Anyway, the whole night was my Joyful Moment.  I came home completely pumped!  Seriously, I am so fired up, I don't think I'll be able to sleep!

Maybe, I need to get out more.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments that get you too fired up for sleep!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Day 374: New Goals

Some of you may recall me stating that I would run a marathon this May.  That was during the second trimester of my pregnancy.  The two or three week window where I didn't feel exhausted or nauseous.  And I think I spoke out of turn.  So, the marathon goal is on hold for now.  Not crossed off, just postponed.

But I've decided to run a half marathon in April.  I'll be training with a friend (hopefully, more friends will be joining in as well!) who is training for a full marathon in June.  And I'll keep my options open.  If I feel up to it, I suppose I could do the marathon in June, as well.

At any rate, my Joyful Moment was when I ran with two lovely ladies this morning.  And thus, discovered the one redeeming quality of treadmills:  You can run with your friends and everyone can go at their own pace.  And there's plenty of chatter to distract you from the fact that you've been away from running for too long and your body doesn't appreciate the return just yet.

I am excited about the half marathon, though.  I've been contemplating a race of sorts and, for a variety of reasons, this one seems perfect.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments where you can go at your own pace, but still have friends to talk with!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Day 373: Panininini

Today's Joyful Moment was concocting paninis that seriously tasted restaurant quality.  They were sooooo delish.  Start with two slices of sourdough.  Butter both.  With REAL butter.  Then top with Provolone, sun-dried tomato turkey, avocado slices, baby portabella mushroom slices, and sprinkle with love.  So simple, yet so tasty.

A little voice in the back of my head tried to ruin the moment by pondering just how much fat was involved in this little sandwich.

Good thing I have lots of experience with ignoring those voices in my head.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments that are delish and better than eating out (and an HH to do all the clean up after)!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Day 372: I'm A Hoover Loover

HH has been fantasizing about owning our very own steam vac for a few years now.  Ever since we borrowed one from a friend back in New England.  So, we finally got one shortly before Christmas.  And then it's been one thing after another taking up our time.  But, finally, today we made time to break it out.  We did the two largest rooms in the house.  And I LOOVE it!  The water we dumped out after the cleaning was SO GROSS!  Since Baby B is on the verge of crawling (he actually took his first crawl step (?) today!), I'm that much more grateful to have clean carpets again.

So, clean carpets were a Joyful Moment today.  Along with that first crawl step, too.

And swimming with the kids.

And finally realizing that it makes so much more sense to put the kids art supplies in that drawer in the kitchen where I've been storing all the table cloths and place mats that we never use.  Which means that that corner of my counter top will no longer be permanent home to all of their papers and markers and such.  And I.  CANNOT.  DESCRIBE.  HOW.  DELIRIOUSLY.  HAPPY.  THAT.  MAKES.  ME.

I just feel like a bird, free and flying.  It's fabulous.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments that make you deliriously happy!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Day 371: Competent

Is feeling competent at my life grounds for a Joyful Moment?  For me, today, it was.  Is.  We just went about our usual routine.  Nothing extraordinary happened.  But it was good.  I was patient with my family. I visited with a few different friends at different times and locations.  I worked out.  I got in a shower.  I made a healthy and delicious meal for my family and for a friend's family because she had a bit of a rough day today.  And I enjoyed the process and effort of all of it.

And I made this pile grow even bigger.  Three+ more bags from just my side of the closet.  A lot of shoes and clothes added to the donate bag.  There was one pair of jeans that wasn't remotely salvageable and had to go into the garbage bag (still working on just the first one of those)--why did I have a pair of jeans in such bad condition that I can't even donate it still in my closet?!  And (my side of) the closet looks so great!

And this is kind of a random Joyful Moment, but do you remember that I'm also not making any purchases during my 40 Days?  Well, today I went to ShopKo to do a return, and would you believe it was a Joyful Moment to just do the return and then turn and walk out the door?  It totally was!  No money or time spent!  Just $40 back in my bank account!  I'm so proud of myself.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments that are kind of random!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Day 370: Bragging Rights

I'm pretty sure this is a duplicate post, but I can't help myself.

Tonight we had Sweet P's second Parent/Teacher Conference.  The teacher had rave reviews for our little sweetie.  She's doing great!  Joyful Moment!  And Teacher showed us an example of Sweet P's most recent writings.  A three-part story, as follows (at least, as well as I can remember and minus the cute pictures, sorry!):

"A haws is being bilt neckst dor."
"The billders making a haws."
"Win will it be finisht?  Win win win?"

I know how to read Sweet P-ese.  And reading this made me chuckle, but was also another Joyful Moment for me.  See how well you do at translating!

And as I visited with Teacher, I had another Joyful Moment as I realized how grateful I am that Sweet P was blessed to have this wonderful woman as her first experience with public school!

Wishing you all Joyful Moments that require a three-part story to re-tell!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Day 369: Parental

Today is my papa's birthday.  So, I had a Joyful Moment Skyping with my mom to find out when would be a good time to Skype with him (not today, apparently) and then another Joyful Moment talking to the man himself briefly before putting the kids to bed.

My dad is the awesomest.

Oh, and I also made some more excellent progress on my 40 Bags project.  Three or four more bags, plus all of our old baby/kids clothes are organized in a functional manner.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments that are the awesomest!

P.S.  And now I'm getting to Skype with another friend who is also celebrating a birthday.  Another excellent Joyful Moment!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Day 368: Bag Lady

On Sunday evening HH informed me that he'd invited 3 missionaries and one other gentleman for dinner tonight at 6 PM.  They called at 5 PM to tell us that they couldn't come because of the storm going on outside.  Awesome.  Tell that to the lasagna baking in the oven and the double batch of bread sticks I was in the process of kneading.  At least we had a yummy dinner and there was plenty of food to go around...

So, a while ago a friend told me about this "40 Bags in 40 Days" thing.  Basically, you have 40 days to fill 40 bags with stuff to get rid of.

I've been increasingly overwhelmed by the amount of "stuff" overflowing our every room of our house.  So, last week I remembered the 40 bags idea and decided to go with it.  And I'm adding another feature:  No accumulating of more "stuff" during the 40 days.  Besides food, of course.  But food is all I'm allowing myself to buy for the next forty days.

Today was Day 1.

This photo doesn't do it all justice.  There are a couple large baby toys hiding behind those boxes.  I'm counting each of them as one.  And then some big shelves, too.  Plus, those two boxes.  That is all my Craigslist pile.  And then in another room, I have another huge box full of recycling, a box full of items to donate, and a bag with garbage.  I'm pleased to say that the garbage bag is filling up the slowest.  So, if you count boxes as bags, then I am at 8.  And it's only my first day!

In the process, my kids' toys became more accessible (because there aren't so many crowding for the space) and my storage room is like a dream come true--again.  It's not perfect, but at least this time the boxes that I need access to are in the front and not in the back corner.

And that was my Joyful Moment.  Whew!

Wishing you all Joyful Moments that free up some space!