Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Day 92: When Satan Thinks You Have A Good Idea

HH started his new job yesterday.

Which meant that he left here on Saturday, so he could be there by Sunday night.

And it's been kind of rough ever since.  I mean, we have some normal moments.  And even some good moments.  But overall, we're all struggling in his absence.  And all of the continued stress from everything else going on.

Darling A does alright until dinner time.  At which point she has sat down and cried her heart out that Daddy hasn't come home yet.  So, today I printed this photo and covered it in contact paper for her.  It is all bent and beat up from being carted around everywhere, kissed, and loved on.  

And she did much better at dinner tonight.

Each of the three mornings since HH left, I've managed to reach a moment of peace and optimism and strength.

Sunday that only last about 30 seconds.  

Fortunately, yesterday and today have been better.

But, I'm so exhausted and discouraged by the end of the day.

Today I had therapy appointments with my therapist and then with Baby B's therapist.  They both had some really great ideas.  And I was so optimistic.  And at the outset, things were going so smoothly.  Our evening was structured and peaceful, the kids knew where they were supposed to be and what they were supposed to be doing.  We had some really great bonding time together.

And then it all went to hell.  For real.

And I'm pretty sure it's because following this new plan will make the days go better, will bring the bonding and relaxing time we all need, will bring us closer together, and will get us through the next four weeks.

It's really a good plan.

And, apparently, Satan agrees.  Because he pulled out all the stops tonight to destroy it.

So, at least I know we're on the right path.  Or, something like that...

Anyway, tonight was awful in the worst way.  I can't tell you about it.  Because I can't bear to relive it.

So, those negative coping habits came back.  And are trying really hard to break through my resolve.  And to be quite honest, I'm  not really sure I have any of that left.  My crazy is really trying to take over right now.

And I don't have HH here to hold me until it passes.

So, I'm here.  Blogging instead.  And hoping and praying that it's enough.  That I'll get through tonight and wake up tomorrow and, somehow, find that peace and strength and maybe even the optimism again.


Meg said...

Praying for you. I can't imagine how hard this is. Love you, sis.

Megan C. said...

I'm so sorry Cheryl! My husband travels for weeks at a time and whenever he goes, the first three days (especially the evenings) are the hardest, most stressful times. You can get through this. You are awesome.