Because I don't.
Not really.
I've forgotten just about everything that has happened since we moved back in May. For real. I keep discovering new things in my house. And I have to re-meet people who live around here. And the kids have to keep reminding me of things that have happened in our life.
Yesterday, I discovered that we have a swing set in our backyard.
So fun.
And we're not sure how well the ECT worked. We think it still needs to clear out of my head a bit and then we'll notice more benefit from it. But, I haven't made the drastic turn around that some people get.
It has been a neat experience in that I have never felt so cared for and connected to the rest of society. Everywhere I go people are asking how I'm doing and telling me they are praying for me. And I truly have felt all of the prayers. So, to those who have been a part of that, thank you.
It's also been nice because we've just kept being honest and open about everything. No more secrets. And as awkward and uncomfortable as that can be, it's also nice to just be open. It's easier to laugh at where I'm at that to cover up the pain and pretend that my life is perfect.
But, I am really looking forward to getting all of this anesthesia out of my system, so I can tell how much the process worked. So I can stop forgetting everything the moment after it happens. And so I can stop needing a long nap in the middle of every day.
I am just really ready to be a capable person again! At least somewhat. I want to not be totally overwhelmed by the prospect of being a mom to my kids. Or making dinner. Or laundry soap. Or grocery shopping.
But mostly, I just want to be happy. So, I'm trying really hard to practice patience. With my life and myself. I'm trying hard to tell myself that it is okay to be this new me. To be flawed and to not get everything done. And this is all going to be just fine, right? I am going to get through this okay. Because I have this amazing support group behind me every step of the way and, miraculously, they don't appear to have any intentions of giving up on me.
How did I get to be so very blessed?
3 comments:
Thanks for writing again, Cheryl. Your posts have lifted me time and again, because you are honest & hopeful, open & optimistic, and funny & faithful. I love reading what you write. It's easy to be a part of your support team because you are such a caring person. Thanks for your example of courage and trust.
I've been wondering how you are doing, so thanks for the update. I pray for you all the time, and have so much hope that you will see improvements soon. I also love reading what you write because I can relate to so many of the feelings you share, and you help me want to be better. So thank you!
I have been wondering too how you are doing with the treatments. Hang in there. You are a very courageous person.
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