Like you've never wanted to pretend you were Mafia. (For those of you who don't speak Mafia Italian that reads: Forget about it).
Moving on.
Several years ago I was eating dinner with a boyfriend's family. I forget what exactly we were talking about, but his grandma made a statement that I found very interesting and it's always stuck with me.
She said something along the lines of this:
"When I was your age, we really didn't think about how things felt. We just accepted the way things were and went on."
At first, I thought this was so sad. What a horrible way to go through life--not feeling! But over time my understand of her words has changed. I don't think she meant that she didn't appreciate the things she had in life, or experience sadness, or anything like that. I think she meant that she didn't dwell on it, or personalize the things that just kind of happen in life.
For example, when I was going through a particularly rough period of depression in my life, I remember telling HH all the time how unfair life was. I was constantly saying, "Today was just a really hard day. Why do things have to be so hard for me all the time!" And the things that were so hard that day would be along the lines of Sweet P spilling her milk--twice!, having to make a phone call for church, Sweet P having a major blowout, forgetting something I needed at the grocery store, hitting all red lights on the way home, HH getting home late from work, etc. You get the idea. Nothing major. It's just that I took it all personal. Everyone was out to get me. I just knew it! Everyone wanted to make my life hard.
Every unfortunate thing that happened to me was proof to me that no one cared about me. Because if someone cared, nothing bad would ever happen to me. They would make sure it didn't.
You all have someone in your life like that right? Someone who makes sure people let you change lanes on the freeway, who tells you that you're nearly out of toilet paper before you go to the store so you don't discover it five minutes after you get home, who makes sure your child never throws a tantrum in public?
No?
Hmmm...
Okay, so it seems really silly now, but I genuinely felt that way. What does this have to do with my old boyfriend's grandma? I think those are the kind of things she didn't think, or worry, about. That's just life being life. If you take those little things personal, you'll be far too busy partying with all Self-pity to ever recognize Joy.
Fuhgeddaboudit.
I've mentioned Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff. I love that book. I need to read it again. Anyway, in her book she three guiding principles in the lives of people who are truly happy. One of these is the Law of Universal Support. Meaning, believing that the universe is out to support you--not to get you. I love that. Love it.
When I keep that mindset, I can just forget about those little things. They don't even have to be ripples in my day. They can be nothings. Or sometimes, even funny things. When I remember that the universe is supporting me, those things don't feel anywhere close to personal barbs. How could they be? Why would they be?
I am Christian so "the universe" is mainly God for me. He is my Father, so it makes perfect sense that He wants to support me. Supporting me doesn't mean removing anything that might challenge me a bit (that would mean eliminating many opportunities for growth--but that's a discussion for another day). Supporting me means providing me with the resources I need to move past challenges no matter how big or small. And I fully believe that He has, does, and will.
But we are talking "universe" here. So, I interpret that to mean that everyone and everything else is included here too. And sometimes I picture the planets and stars cheering me on with pompoms and little flags. That's just what pops into my head when I think of a "supportive universe". So I'm quirky. So what?
Have I made the connection between Old BF's g-ma and a supportive universe for you? It's there in my head, but I'm not sure if it's here in this post. But now you have a glimpse of what I'm working with when it comes to what's in my head, so you can see how this might be a challenge for me. Let me try to sum up.
Don't dwell on the unfortunate things in life. I'm not talking about major, catastrophic things--that stuff needs to be dealt with and it's okay to be sad sometimes. But things that really don't matter. Things that have no long term effect on the rest of you life, day, or moment (unless you choose to react and hold onto the negative). Let go of those things. Let them roll, like water off of a duck's back. Ducks don't get wet, you know. There's a book about it.
Okay, so the opposite of sweating the small stuff and taking it personal, is to not think about it. Accept that it happened, and move on. You can move on because you know that the universe is here for your support. Just because things aren't going exactly your way doesn't mean they're going wrong. Have faith that the universe is rooting for you and will help things to work out--just maybe not the way you thought or planned. Believe that you have a loving Heavenly Father who is watching over you, not to prevent anything bad from happening to you, but to ensure that you are provided with all you need to succeed. And He knows exactly what that is.
And if you do this, you'll open up a lot more room in your life for joy. I know it because I've done it. I still have days where I get caught up in feeling so "woe is me" and those days are just yucky and ugly. The good thing is, having experienced the peace and joy that come with believing the planets are shaking pompoms on my behalf, it's a lot easier to snap out of those bad days. And then you can't imagine the weight that's lifted off! If you aren't already doing it, give it a try. Shake off the bad and take a deep breath knowing that everyone and everything is here for you!
And picture Neptune holding up a "Go, You!" poster.
Don't you feel more supported already?
How do you "fuhgeddaboudit"? Or am I the only person who can take stuff like that personal? How do you remember that the universe is supportive and not threatening?
Thanks for all the love last week! I loved it! Keep those comments coming! Remember, this works best the more insight we have, so if you've got something to say, please share!
Have a delightful, supported week!
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Depression. Show all posts
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
I Like to Move It!
I earned my bachelor's degree in Fitness and Wellness Management, so this post is an obvious one for me. One way to chase away the blues and clear more room for joy in your life is...
Confidence. Being physically active gives you a sense of accomplishment. Meeting goals or challenges, no matter how small, can boost self-confidence at times when you need it most. Exercise can also make you feel better about your appearance and your self-worth.
Distraction. When you have depression or anxiety, it's easy to dwell on how badly you feel. But dwelling interferes with your ability to problem solve and cope in a healthy way. Dwelling can also make depression more severe and longer lasting. Exercise can shift the focus away from unpleasant thoughts to something more pleasant, such as your surroundings or the music you enjoy listening to while you exercise.
Interactions. Depression and anxiety can lead to isolation. That, in turn, can worsen your condition. Exercise may give you the chance to meet or socialize with others, even if it's just exchanging a friendly smile or greeting as you walk around your neighborhood.
Healthy coping. Doing something positive to manage depression or anxiety is a healthy coping strategy. Trying to feel better by drinking alcohol excessively, dwelling on how badly you feel, or hoping depression and anxiety will go away on their own aren't helpful coping strategies.
Here are some steps that can help you exercise when you have depression or anxiety. As always, check with your health care provider before starting a new exercise program to make sure it's safe for you.
Get your mental health provider's support. Some, but not all, mental health providers encourage exercise as a part of their treatment plan. Talk to your doctor or therapist for guidance and support. Discuss concerns about an exercise program and how it fits into your overall treatment plan.
Identify what you enjoy doing. Figure out what type of exercise or activities you're most likely to do. And think about when and how you'd be most likely to follow through. For instance, would you be more likely to do some gardening in the evening or go for a jog in the pre-dawn hours? Go for a walk in the woods or play basketball with your children after school? Do what you enjoy to help you stick with it.
Set reasonable goals. Your mission doesn't have to be walking for an hour five days a week. Think about what you may be able to do in reality. Twenty minutes? Ten minutes? Start there and build up. Tailor your plan to your own needs and abilities rather than trying to meet idealistic guidelines that could just add to your pressure.
Don't think of exercise as a burden. If exercise is just another "should" in your life that you don't think you're living up to, you'll associate it with failure. Rather, look at your exercise schedule the same way you look at your therapy sessions or antidepressant medication — as one of the tools to help you get better.
Address your barriers. Figure out what's stopping you from exercising. If you feel intimidated by others or are self-conscious, for instance, you may want to exercise in the privacy of your own home. If you stick to goals better with a partner, find a friend to work out with. If you don't have extra money to spend on exercise gear, do something that's virtually cost-free — walk. If you think about what's stopping you from exercising, you can probably find an alternative solution.
Prepare for setbacks and obstacles. Exercise isn't always easy or fun. And it's tempting to blame yourself for that. People with depression are especially likely to feel shame over perceived failures. Don't fall into that trap. Give yourself credit for every step in the right direction, no matter how small. If you skip exercise one day, that doesn't mean you're a failure and may as well quit entirely. Just try again the next day.
"What would happen if you went out to your car and it wouldn't start?" Dr. Vickers-Douglas asks. "You'd probably be able to very quickly list several strategies for dealing with that barrier, such as calling an auto service, taking the bus, or calling your partner or friend for help. You instantly start problem solving."
But most people don't approach exercise that way. What happens if you want to go for a walk but it's raining? Most people decide against the walk and don't even try to explore alternatives. "With exercise, we often hit a barrier and say, 'That's it. I can't do it, forget it,' " Dr. Vickers-Douglas says.
Instead, problem solve your way through the exercise barrier, just as you would other obstacles in your life. Figure out your options — walking in the rain, going to a gym, exercising indoors, for instance.
"Some people think they need to wait until they somehow generate enough willpower to exercise," Dr. Vickers-Douglas says. "But waiting for willpower or motivation to exercise is a passive approach, and when someone has depression and is unmotivated, waiting passively for change is unlikely to help at all. Focusing on a lack of motivation and willpower can make you feel like a failure. Instead, identify your strengths and skills and apply those to taking some first steps toward exercise."
EXERCISE!
I know that is a word that many people dread. I am a freak of nature and actually enjoy exercising, especially running. Weird, I know. But I respect the fact that not everyone is blessed to share my opinion. I know many people exercise whether they love it or not. If that's you, good for you! If not, just read the post and see if you can squeeze in some "sweatin' time". I'm not trying to add one more thing to your to-do list, exercise is just extremely worthwhile. Most of this post will be taken from an article written by Mayo Clinic staff. If you want to read the whole thing (highly recommended) click here. To get you interested, here is a summary:
How It Helps:
Research suggests that it may take at least 30 minutes of exercise a day for at least three to five days a week to significantly improve depression symptoms. But smaller amounts of activity — as little as 10 to 15 minutes at a time — can improve mood in the short term. "Small bouts of exercise may be a great way to get started if it's initially too hard to do more," Dr. Vickers-Douglas says.
Just how exercise reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety isn't fully understood. Some evidence suggests that exercise raises the levels of certain mood-enhancing neurotransmitters in the brain. Exercise may also boost feel-good endorphins, release muscle tension, help you sleep better, and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. It also increases body temperature, which may have calming effects. All of these changes in your mind and body can improve such symptoms as sadness, anxiety, irritability, stress, fatigue, anger, self-doubt and hopelessness. (In other words, anti-joy feelings.)
Just how exercise reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety isn't fully understood. Some evidence suggests that exercise raises the levels of certain mood-enhancing neurotransmitters in the brain. Exercise may also boost feel-good endorphins, release muscle tension, help you sleep better, and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol. It also increases body temperature, which may have calming effects. All of these changes in your mind and body can improve such symptoms as sadness, anxiety, irritability, stress, fatigue, anger, self-doubt and hopelessness. (In other words, anti-joy feelings.)
Benefits:
Confidence. Being physically active gives you a sense of accomplishment. Meeting goals or challenges, no matter how small, can boost self-confidence at times when you need it most. Exercise can also make you feel better about your appearance and your self-worth.
Distraction. When you have depression or anxiety, it's easy to dwell on how badly you feel. But dwelling interferes with your ability to problem solve and cope in a healthy way. Dwelling can also make depression more severe and longer lasting. Exercise can shift the focus away from unpleasant thoughts to something more pleasant, such as your surroundings or the music you enjoy listening to while you exercise.
Interactions. Depression and anxiety can lead to isolation. That, in turn, can worsen your condition. Exercise may give you the chance to meet or socialize with others, even if it's just exchanging a friendly smile or greeting as you walk around your neighborhood.
Healthy coping. Doing something positive to manage depression or anxiety is a healthy coping strategy. Trying to feel better by drinking alcohol excessively, dwelling on how badly you feel, or hoping depression and anxiety will go away on their own aren't helpful coping strategies.
Tips to start exercising when you have depression or anxiety
Of course, knowing that something's good for you doesn't make it easier to actually do it. With depression or anxiety, you may have a hard enough time just doing the dishes, showering or going to work. How can you possibly consider getting in some exercise?
Of course, knowing that something's good for you doesn't make it easier to actually do it. With depression or anxiety, you may have a hard enough time just doing the dishes, showering or going to work. How can you possibly consider getting in some exercise?
Here are some steps that can help you exercise when you have depression or anxiety. As always, check with your health care provider before starting a new exercise program to make sure it's safe for you.
Get your mental health provider's support. Some, but not all, mental health providers encourage exercise as a part of their treatment plan. Talk to your doctor or therapist for guidance and support. Discuss concerns about an exercise program and how it fits into your overall treatment plan.
Identify what you enjoy doing. Figure out what type of exercise or activities you're most likely to do. And think about when and how you'd be most likely to follow through. For instance, would you be more likely to do some gardening in the evening or go for a jog in the pre-dawn hours? Go for a walk in the woods or play basketball with your children after school? Do what you enjoy to help you stick with it.
Set reasonable goals. Your mission doesn't have to be walking for an hour five days a week. Think about what you may be able to do in reality. Twenty minutes? Ten minutes? Start there and build up. Tailor your plan to your own needs and abilities rather than trying to meet idealistic guidelines that could just add to your pressure.
Don't think of exercise as a burden. If exercise is just another "should" in your life that you don't think you're living up to, you'll associate it with failure. Rather, look at your exercise schedule the same way you look at your therapy sessions or antidepressant medication — as one of the tools to help you get better.
Address your barriers. Figure out what's stopping you from exercising. If you feel intimidated by others or are self-conscious, for instance, you may want to exercise in the privacy of your own home. If you stick to goals better with a partner, find a friend to work out with. If you don't have extra money to spend on exercise gear, do something that's virtually cost-free — walk. If you think about what's stopping you from exercising, you can probably find an alternative solution.
Prepare for setbacks and obstacles. Exercise isn't always easy or fun. And it's tempting to blame yourself for that. People with depression are especially likely to feel shame over perceived failures. Don't fall into that trap. Give yourself credit for every step in the right direction, no matter how small. If you skip exercise one day, that doesn't mean you're a failure and may as well quit entirely. Just try again the next day.
Sticking with exercise when you have depression or anxiety
Launching an exercise program is hard. Sticking with it can be even harder. One key is problem solving your way through when it seems like you can't or don't want to exercise.
Launching an exercise program is hard. Sticking with it can be even harder. One key is problem solving your way through when it seems like you can't or don't want to exercise.
"What would happen if you went out to your car and it wouldn't start?" Dr. Vickers-Douglas asks. "You'd probably be able to very quickly list several strategies for dealing with that barrier, such as calling an auto service, taking the bus, or calling your partner or friend for help. You instantly start problem solving."
But most people don't approach exercise that way. What happens if you want to go for a walk but it's raining? Most people decide against the walk and don't even try to explore alternatives. "With exercise, we often hit a barrier and say, 'That's it. I can't do it, forget it,' " Dr. Vickers-Douglas says.
Instead, problem solve your way through the exercise barrier, just as you would other obstacles in your life. Figure out your options — walking in the rain, going to a gym, exercising indoors, for instance.
"Some people think they need to wait until they somehow generate enough willpower to exercise," Dr. Vickers-Douglas says. "But waiting for willpower or motivation to exercise is a passive approach, and when someone has depression and is unmotivated, waiting passively for change is unlikely to help at all. Focusing on a lack of motivation and willpower can make you feel like a failure. Instead, identify your strengths and skills and apply those to taking some first steps toward exercise."
Okay, so I pretty much posted the whole article. But didn't you think it was really great? (And I'm a little short on time tonight). I really feel that exercise should be something that everyone makes room for in their lives. I know you are all very busy. But you can find a way to make it work. We bought a treadmill a few years ago so I could exercise while KN slept. One summer a friend and I went walking every morning. Now I have a gym membership that includes childcare so I get to exercise and get a break every day. It's so great. I always feel happier after a good workout.
What are your positive experiences with exercise? What are some of your barriers to exercising? How can/have you overcome them? What are some of your favorite ways to exercise?
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Service With a Smile
First off, I want to mention that the removed comment was simply a duplicate comment. I won't ever delete any one's valuable insight! Thank you all so much for your comments. I must confess that I was feeling a little discouraged earlier in the week and you each said something that was very useful and/or encouraging to me. Thank you so much. I feel so blessed to be in my shoes.
I want to share the circumstances behind today's topic.
As I previously mentioned, I felt like was directed to begin this blog. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While I have no intention of pushing my beliefs onto anyone of you, I will refer to its teachings and principles frequently. It is ingrained in every fiber of who I am and the life I live, so I cannot impart my experiences and musings without including pieces of my faith. But I pray that no one will be offended and that you will take away whatever good you find in it. Okay. So, a huge part of what I believe is "personal revelation", or that God will direct our lives in as much as we let Him. He does it through promptings and by placing thoughts in our minds to inspire us. That is how this blog came to be. I am a fairly open person, but all of this puts even me outside of my comfort zone.
Well, I was feeling frustrated last week because the blog wasn't going exactly as I expected and I was feeling a little lost and discouraged. As I prayed for direction, I kept feeling like I just needed to wait until Saturday night. Twice a year we are blessed to hear from the leaders of our church. They speak in Salt Lake City, Utah and it is broadcast all over the world. There is one meeting that is specifically for the women. That was last night. We listened to the three women who are leaders of the Relief Society--a huge organization of women, designed to bring relief to the poor and bring people to Christ. They each gave wonderful talks, but I'm not going to share them here. I want to discuss the *talk given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. When he began, I felt as though he were speaking just for me. I knew this was what God had been telling me to wait for. He spoke exactly about the purpose of this blog! He recognized that women too frequently doubt their abilities and achievements, leading to frustration and disappointment. He said that we were "created to experience the fullness of joy". "The fullness of joy"--that's what we're all here in search of! He taught that there are two principles to find the path to peace, happiness, and joy: 1. Create something beautiful, and 2. Be compassionate.
While I think both principles are equally worthwhile, today I want to focus on being compassionate, or serving. One of the main things I've learned about depression is that it feeds off of self-centeredness. I know that because I've been there. It's easy to get really down when you focus only on yourself. And the best antidote for that is to serve. Service forces you to focus on others. President Uchtdorf said, "when we reach out to bless the lives of others, our own lives are blessed as well. As we lift others, we rise a little ourselves." That is so true.
When my depression first began (and I was still in denial), I was working as a waitress. I was almost always in a horrible mood when I arrived, but I knew that grumpiness didn't earn good tips, so I forced a smile. I chatted with my customers about how they were doing and did all I could to ensure that their meal was as enjoyable as possible. This may not seem like true "service", because I was getting paid to do it, but I really did put all my effort into it. As a result, I did get higher tips, but I also was happy again before more than a couple hours passed. Then I would go home at the end of my shift and quickly sink back into my dark hole. Unfortunately, I didn't realize what the difference was until long after that job was over. My poor HH.
Another thing I've learned about depression is that when I'm really down, serving someone else seems nearly impossible. This is because of the lethargy that we've mentioned, and the negative self-talk (i.e. I have so little to offer, who would want it anyway?). But I know that it is more than worthwhile. I can't think of a single time that I've offered service and not been lifted from it.
What have you learned about the effects of service on your level of happiness? How do you get yourself past the feelings of tiredness and doubt and serve anyway? What are some of your favorite simple acts of service?
*I know this talk will be posted in its entirety within the next few weeks on http://www.lds.org/. I highly recommend reading it.
I want to share the circumstances behind today's topic.
As I previously mentioned, I felt like was directed to begin this blog. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. While I have no intention of pushing my beliefs onto anyone of you, I will refer to its teachings and principles frequently. It is ingrained in every fiber of who I am and the life I live, so I cannot impart my experiences and musings without including pieces of my faith. But I pray that no one will be offended and that you will take away whatever good you find in it. Okay. So, a huge part of what I believe is "personal revelation", or that God will direct our lives in as much as we let Him. He does it through promptings and by placing thoughts in our minds to inspire us. That is how this blog came to be. I am a fairly open person, but all of this puts even me outside of my comfort zone.
Well, I was feeling frustrated last week because the blog wasn't going exactly as I expected and I was feeling a little lost and discouraged. As I prayed for direction, I kept feeling like I just needed to wait until Saturday night. Twice a year we are blessed to hear from the leaders of our church. They speak in Salt Lake City, Utah and it is broadcast all over the world. There is one meeting that is specifically for the women. That was last night. We listened to the three women who are leaders of the Relief Society--a huge organization of women, designed to bring relief to the poor and bring people to Christ. They each gave wonderful talks, but I'm not going to share them here. I want to discuss the *talk given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. When he began, I felt as though he were speaking just for me. I knew this was what God had been telling me to wait for. He spoke exactly about the purpose of this blog! He recognized that women too frequently doubt their abilities and achievements, leading to frustration and disappointment. He said that we were "created to experience the fullness of joy". "The fullness of joy"--that's what we're all here in search of! He taught that there are two principles to find the path to peace, happiness, and joy: 1. Create something beautiful, and 2. Be compassionate.
While I think both principles are equally worthwhile, today I want to focus on being compassionate, or serving. One of the main things I've learned about depression is that it feeds off of self-centeredness. I know that because I've been there. It's easy to get really down when you focus only on yourself. And the best antidote for that is to serve. Service forces you to focus on others. President Uchtdorf said, "when we reach out to bless the lives of others, our own lives are blessed as well. As we lift others, we rise a little ourselves." That is so true.
When my depression first began (and I was still in denial), I was working as a waitress. I was almost always in a horrible mood when I arrived, but I knew that grumpiness didn't earn good tips, so I forced a smile. I chatted with my customers about how they were doing and did all I could to ensure that their meal was as enjoyable as possible. This may not seem like true "service", because I was getting paid to do it, but I really did put all my effort into it. As a result, I did get higher tips, but I also was happy again before more than a couple hours passed. Then I would go home at the end of my shift and quickly sink back into my dark hole. Unfortunately, I didn't realize what the difference was until long after that job was over. My poor HH.
Another thing I've learned about depression is that when I'm really down, serving someone else seems nearly impossible. This is because of the lethargy that we've mentioned, and the negative self-talk (i.e. I have so little to offer, who would want it anyway?). But I know that it is more than worthwhile. I can't think of a single time that I've offered service and not been lifted from it.
What have you learned about the effects of service on your level of happiness? How do you get yourself past the feelings of tiredness and doubt and serve anyway? What are some of your favorite simple acts of service?
*I know this talk will be posted in its entirety within the next few weeks on http://www.lds.org/. I highly recommend reading it.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Let's Talk
So, yesterday I made the connection that I promised a new post Monday and I don't get a chance to turn on my computer until about 2 in the afternoon. I didn't want to let you all down on the first "real" day of my blog, so I'm typing this Sunday night. I'm still figuring out how to make this work so I may end up posting on Sunday and Wednesday nights instead. But you can for sure look for it Monday and Thursday mornings.
Anyway, many of you have already touched on what I think is one of the most important things in rising above the grey clouds. That is, tell someone how you are feeling. I'm not an expert on any of this, but I have thought a lot about it the last several years as I've gone through it. So, most of what I have to say is going to be from personal experience. But since the topic is talking about it, I guess it's just walking the talk, right?
I can pinpoint almost to the day when my depression began. That's because I'm 99.9% positive that it was brought on when I started taking the pill. For the first couple years, my husband was the only one who knew that I was dealing with depression. I did a pretty good job of putting on a happy face for everyone else and I was in denial as well. He tried to get me to find help, but I refused.
There were a lot of reasons, but mainly I was horrified at the thought of anyone finding out that my life wasn't perfect. I "knew" that people relied on me to always be cheerful and happy. I "knew" that I would disappoint everyone if they found out that was far from true. But then we sort of reached a breaking point and my husband called my parents. I was furious at the time but inexpressibly grateful now. My mom kind of knew about it so she was mostly surprised by the depth of it. My dad was pretty much in shock. He was one of the people I had most feared to tell because I hated to let him down ever since I was a little girl. Guess what? He wasn't disappointed at all. I could tell he hurt for me a lot, but of course he wasn't disappointed in me. What parent would be? He loves me. And all he wants is for me to be happy. To be happy for me, not for him.
I got a therapist around that same time and finally admitted to myself that I really did have depression. It was all so liberating. It was like taking a deep breath after holding my breath for so long. I saw that no one around me thought any less of me when they found out and everyone managed to go on with life too. No one's life was ruined by my revelation, or even close. I gradually began telling other family members and a few friends. And not only was no one disappointed, often times they seemed to almost think more of me. Not because I have depression, but because I carry on in spite of it.
And as I've become more and more open about, that is the same response I've gotten just about everywhere. I've only encountered one person who responded negatively. And I know him well enough to know that he meant well, he just had never dealt with depression on any level. Everyone else has been incredibly supportive and very understanding. I'm sure you've read the other comments on this blog. We are all in this together.
I'm not sure if I'll do a challenge with every post, but this time I'm challenging you to tell at least one person this week. If you haven't told anyone how you're feeling, tell your significant other, or whoever you are closest too. You need their support and they need to know. You'll be amazed at what a relief it is. And of this, I know. You're all reading my confession! However, my challenge is for each of you to tell someone in person--not here. It's not the same. If you're worried about what the response will be, reflect on how you felt when you found out I (or someone else you know) deal with depression.
We all walk around feeling guilty and ashamed for not being happy all the time. Thinking that if anyone else knew, they would judge us harshly. And the truth is, most women that I discuss this with are relieved! There is so much comfort in knowing that you aren't alone in your situation. That's why we're doing this blog. So we can support and lift one another.
Anyway, many of you have already touched on what I think is one of the most important things in rising above the grey clouds. That is, tell someone how you are feeling. I'm not an expert on any of this, but I have thought a lot about it the last several years as I've gone through it. So, most of what I have to say is going to be from personal experience. But since the topic is talking about it, I guess it's just walking the talk, right?
I can pinpoint almost to the day when my depression began. That's because I'm 99.9% positive that it was brought on when I started taking the pill. For the first couple years, my husband was the only one who knew that I was dealing with depression. I did a pretty good job of putting on a happy face for everyone else and I was in denial as well. He tried to get me to find help, but I refused.
There were a lot of reasons, but mainly I was horrified at the thought of anyone finding out that my life wasn't perfect. I "knew" that people relied on me to always be cheerful and happy. I "knew" that I would disappoint everyone if they found out that was far from true. But then we sort of reached a breaking point and my husband called my parents. I was furious at the time but inexpressibly grateful now. My mom kind of knew about it so she was mostly surprised by the depth of it. My dad was pretty much in shock. He was one of the people I had most feared to tell because I hated to let him down ever since I was a little girl. Guess what? He wasn't disappointed at all. I could tell he hurt for me a lot, but of course he wasn't disappointed in me. What parent would be? He loves me. And all he wants is for me to be happy. To be happy for me, not for him.
I got a therapist around that same time and finally admitted to myself that I really did have depression. It was all so liberating. It was like taking a deep breath after holding my breath for so long. I saw that no one around me thought any less of me when they found out and everyone managed to go on with life too. No one's life was ruined by my revelation, or even close. I gradually began telling other family members and a few friends. And not only was no one disappointed, often times they seemed to almost think more of me. Not because I have depression, but because I carry on in spite of it.
And as I've become more and more open about, that is the same response I've gotten just about everywhere. I've only encountered one person who responded negatively. And I know him well enough to know that he meant well, he just had never dealt with depression on any level. Everyone else has been incredibly supportive and very understanding. I'm sure you've read the other comments on this blog. We are all in this together.
I'm not sure if I'll do a challenge with every post, but this time I'm challenging you to tell at least one person this week. If you haven't told anyone how you're feeling, tell your significant other, or whoever you are closest too. You need their support and they need to know. You'll be amazed at what a relief it is. And of this, I know. You're all reading my confession! However, my challenge is for each of you to tell someone in person--not here. It's not the same. If you're worried about what the response will be, reflect on how you felt when you found out I (or someone else you know) deal with depression.
We all walk around feeling guilty and ashamed for not being happy all the time. Thinking that if anyone else knew, they would judge us harshly. And the truth is, most women that I discuss this with are relieved! There is so much comfort in knowing that you aren't alone in your situation. That's why we're doing this blog. So we can support and lift one another.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)