Sunday, May 31, 2009

Finding the Balance in a World Full of Different Opinions

Wow! Thanks so much for all your insights this past week. I don't know about you, but I found something useful or inspirational in each one. Actually, that's usually the case. I just get so caught up in choosing a title for each post and then explaining it that I generally forget to tell you thanks. But this week I didn't have to do that.

So, for all Past, Present, and Future comments: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I'll try to do better at acknowledging them though. When I typed up that post last week, I was feeling pretty good about things in my own little financial department. But I think I mentioned that we're buying a house (can you tell I'm excited?!) and so we discovered a TON of things that we need/want to buy once we move in.

Hence the "wow" at the start of this post. I really needed to read everything you all said. Thanks.

Wanna know why I didn't have to think of a post title this week? My sweet sister-in-law did it for me. She even went a huge step further and wrote a post to go with it.

And don't believe what she says in her first paragraph. She's awesome. And I love her. Thank you so much, Belky!

First of all I want to thank Cheryl for giving me this opportunity, I am not as clever and good of a writer as she is, but I'll make sure get to the end, no worries there.

A little while ago I was looking at my life and the things I do as a wife and a mother. I saw some things that I wanted to work on and got excited about the process. In the motherhood department I wanted to change the time I spend with my children. I heard over and over from other moms that they rather play with their kids than to clean and organize. I felt very guilty because I love to clean and have things in its place, I also chose to do those things before playing with the girls. So, it seem like a great place to start a change, right?


To make the long story short, here is what happened. I went for about two weeks with nasty floors. Papers all over the place, interesting dinners and with a HUGE attitude. I was not happy and I did not enjoy the time I had to play with the girls. You may say, Crazy woman, why??!!

Here is why...

In the inner me, I love clean and organize, it makes me happy and the time that I spend cleaning helps release the stress in my life. When my home looks the way I like it, I am a better mother and a better wife. But why does the world criticize me? Why does the world have a different pattern for motherhood? Am I ruining my girls childhood? Am I really failing?

No, no NO!!! We are very different, each one of us, look at our DNA, look at your children, your siblings. We are all super different and that is just FINE!

It is great to be able to find so much advice on all the things that we do, from the Internet, family friends and even the people we see walking down the street. What is not so great is that we have this NEED to be part of a mold, as humans we are not good at being alone, BUT we don't have to be alone and we can be ourselves and be part of a group.

How do we do this? It took me about a month to figure myself out again,but at the end I did, at least for now, I'm sure I'll find myself in this spot again.

The key, I believe, is to take a little time and get to know yourself again. Remind yourself what you like, don't like and what are YOUR goals,who do you want to be and then see what you are doing right now. Keep the simple things you like and start from there.

I know that is only my opinion and it might not work for you but that is PERFECT!

Why is it perfect? How many times have you found yourself trying to be something you are not sure you want to be? How can getting to know yourself help you find joy in your life?


Jen said...

Thanks for the insightful post Belky! And, may I add that you are definitely not the only one in the world that places such a priority on cleanliness. I've tried to "let it go" on occasion and the same results ensue -- I can't focus, I'm cranky, I'm anxious, and I still can't get anything done because I keep thinking about the chaos surrounding me. I know that I might not need to spend as much time cleaning as I do, but I definitely know that this is a priority for my own sanity. So, thanks for reminding ME that I'm not the only one either. :)

Belkycita said...

First of all I would like to say that the writer of the post should be given a prize, that was awesome!!!

Just kidding, I just had a tons of sugar! sorry.
I want to say that what I was hoping to get across was that, what works for you may not work for me and that is ok,it doesn't mean you are doing it wrong.
Maybe you are all going Duh! but I had a hard time figuring it out.. Maybe it's because I know that I want to be a great mother so I try to learn from what I see.

Again, thanks Cheryl.

Cheryl said...

Thank YOU, Belky.

I totally related to this. A little bit with the cleaning. Some people think I'm excessive, but I don't think it effects me the same as it does you.

My big thing is excercise. When I first started going to the gym, I felt huge amounts of guilt for the time I spent there. It didn't help that Little M cried his eyes out every time I left him. But then the people told me that he stopped as soon as I left. And the kids have a blast doing all the fun things there and playing with their friends.

And I get to create endorphins and think about something besides Dr. Seuss and poopy diapers for a little while. And improve my health. And the list goes on.

Even though there's a lot of positive, I still question it sometimes. I still sometimes feel guilty for not spending every moment with the kids.

So, thanks for the reminder. It's such a crucial point for everyone--not just mommies!

Nikki said...

It's very true we are all so different, and it can be a huge waste of mental energy to try to be something, or someone else. And guilt is not a good motivator.Thanks for the reminder.

Meg said...

Thanks Bel! This was so good for me. I'm always telling myself what the perfect wife is like and how I'm not like that woman at all- but it's okay! Thanks for reminding me of that.

Linda said...

I'm a little late making a comment, but here it is anyway. Mortality is part of our eternal progression. As we progress we are going to have many differing experiences and we are going to learn from each of them. That's because progression is an eternal principle. For me, the best is to eliminate comparing my progress to anything or anyone else and to enjoy the experiences and what I learn from them.