Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Day 94: Me Without HH

Just doesn't work.

I don't know how to be without him.  It's not just about missing him or needing his help around the house and with the kids.  I just don't know how to be without him.  I'm coming apart at the edges.  And it's just coming in closer and closer before I'm suddenly completely apart.  I keep withdrawing more and more inside myself.  Like a big black hole imploding in on itself.

Or something like that.

Thankfully, my parents came for a long and *very* helpful visit. They took care of the bulk of the logistics with preparing for our move.  My dad kept very busy fixing everything he could lay his hands on.  But mostly, they gave my kids all the love and attention they could soak up.  All the love and attention I've been struggling to provide as I withdraw.

But, they left today.  And now I have to wash my own dishes.  And be a mom to my children for longer than 15 minutes at a time.

The good news is, HH is making a quick visit this weekend.  It's a surprise for the kids and I am so excited to see their faces when he walks out of our bedroom Saturday morning.  (I pick him up from the airport late Friday night).

But, I still have to get through 2 1/2 days.  Which should feel like nothing.

But, without my HH, it might as well be forever.

I need my HH.  So much.


Kelly said...

I can relate on several points.

My mom just came to help when I had the baby. I told her I really just want her to love the kids, and pay lots of attention to them because I just didn't have it in me.

Also, good luck with the move. We are starting serious packing tomorrow. Yikes!

And finally, after having my husband at home 24/7 the last 2 years I might actually have withdrawals when he starts a job again. Or I may actually feel life is normal again :0)

Cheryl said...

Kelly--Congratulations on your cute new baby! And good luck with your move and finding "normal" life again! :)