Unexpected Guest

My mom called the day of my last post to let me know she was making a spontaneous trip here a few days later. We have been so busy with projects I've been saving to do with her help, I lost track of time and forgot to post. If it makes you feel any better, I haven't been on the computer at all this week.

So, here's a quick post to get you through the weekend. There WILL be a post on Monday!

This is a poem my mom shared with us by Lowell Bennion:

Learn to like what doesn't cost much.
Learn to like reading, conversation, music.
Learn to like plain food, plain service, plain cooking.
Learn to like fields, trees, brooks, hiking, rowing, climbing hills.
Learn to like people, even though some of them may be … different from you.
Learn to like to work and enjoy the satisfaction of doing your job as well as it can be done.
Learn to like the songs of birds, the companionship of dogs.
Learn to like gardening, puttering around the house and fixing things.
Learn to like the sunrise and sunset, the beating of rain on the roof and windows, and the gentle fall of snow on a winter's day.
Learn to keep your wants simple and refuse to be controlled by the likes and dislikes of others.

Just before Bennion died, his biographer, Mary L. Bradford, visited him. He was feeling pretty good, he said. Not because he was in fine health, but because he had managed to pretty much "give everything away."

At his funeral, President Gordon B. Hinckley mused that Bennion never owned a car as nice as any of the cars in the chapel parking lot that day.
This is my Little M. Last night was a Halloween party at our church. He received a Tootsie Pop and then went around telling everyone in the entire place that he had a "wollipop... a really BIIIIG wollipop!"

He couldn't have been happier.

Let us all take after Lowell and Little M and truly be happy and more than satisfied with the simple things.

A Day Late, A Post Short

Sorry, I think I might need to just switch to Mondays for my posts. Our Sunday schedule has changed drastically and I no longer have a couple hours by myself. I don't mind it at all because it's a result a spending more time with my family.

But it's not good for Sunday posts here.

Is everyone okay with a switch to Monday? If not, then feel free to write a post for me to publish on Sunday because I think that's the only way you'll get it. Thanks!

Okay, so for this week's topic. I've been thinking about Nattie's suggestion from a while ago a lot and just trying to think what I could say that might be insightful. But I'm not sure I've have much to add to it, so I'm thinking just the reminder and opportunity for personal reflection will be what we need.

Here's what she said:

"Doing the simple things (read, pray, etc) allow the Lord to bless us as much as He can. Sometimes I think we sell ourselves short of His blessings by being lazy."

I'll give my little two cents and then let you ponder and share your insights. This reminded me of a moment of inspiration I had in Sunday School several years ago. We were discussing the parable of the Prodigal Son from Luke in the New Testament.

I had always focused on the generosity of the father and the sweetness of the reunion. But on this day, some questions were asked that got me thinking about the older son. The one who stayed home and worked with his father. At first, things seem unfair that he did all the work, while his brother went off and spent his inheritance, and then their dad throws a huge party for the younger son when he gets home.

But that's when it hit me. The younger son had suffered quite a bit during his absence while the older was blessed to be with his father and in his care that entire time. So, even though it initially seemed unfair, it wasn't. The father wanted to bless them both as much as he possibly could, but the one who left removed himself from those blessings for a time.

Now the application, when I don't do the things I should (pray, study scriptures, listen to church leaders), Heavenly Father cannot give me the blessings He would like to. All I have to do is choose to do what He asks, to keep myself near Him, and He will bless me as much as I can.

And when I stray, like the Prodigal Son, He receives me with open arms when I return to Him and again offers those blessings.

Joy, of course, being a blessing He can always offer, no matter what trials I am facing in my life.

What about you? What do you notice when you are doing the "little" things? What are your thoughts on Heavenly Father's blessings?

Joy Model

So, since posting my last post, I booked a flight and flew out to the funeral and returned home late last night. Last week felt like the longest week ever. Not necessarily because it was bad; it's just that way too much happened for it to have only been one week.

But here I am again, so it must have been just a week all the same.

And my inspiration again comes from my grandma. Or her funeral, really.

All nine of her children and almost all of their spouses shared a memory and some thoughts on their mother at the funeral. It made for a long funeral, but I felt privileged to hear so many different view points on the same wonderful person. They all love her and admire her, but each in his or her own way.

And almost, if not all, of them closed their remarks with something along these lines, "And I hope to one day be just like her."

One of her best friends spoke and she said the same thing.

What a wonderful tribute!

And it got me thinking--what a great idea. Find a Joy Model.

Someone (or preferably multiple someones) you know who seems to have high levels of joy. And emulate them.

My grandma is definitely one of my joy models, as I'm sure you could guess. Another one is actually my former self. From about 16-19, I was one of the happiest people I knew. It's not like I had it all figured out back then, but I did pretty well in the joy category. I spent a lot of my time listening to and trying to help others--something that has always brought me joy, but sometimes I think I'm too busy now. And I was pretty laid back and mellow. Not so much these days. So, I'm trying to be more like my teenage self, in that sense.

What about you? Who are your joy models? Why? What do you admire most about them? What is it about the way they live their life that makes them a model for you?

If you don't have someone--go out and find them this week! And please share!

Abiding Love

So, I'm guessing you noticed last week's post never came. I'm sorry. I sat down to write it every day, but it just wouldn't come. If it's any consolation (because I know a week without a post from me is just so difficult for you to endure), I think it was good for me to have a week off. Thanks for the permission, Jen!

This is a post I've been writing in my head for a while, not sure when to post it. But it's what I need to express today, so it's what you're getting today.

It's inspired by my grandma. One of the greatest people to ever live on this earth. Honestly. I know many of you know her and can attest to that. And I'm sorry to those of you who don't, because she was truly one of life's gems.

For a while now, I've been meaning to write her a letter telling her what an inspiration and example she's been for me in so many ways.

She passed away yesterday morning. I never got around to writing that letter. I know she knows how I feel about her, but I still wish I'd sent it. So, here are a couple things that letter would have contained. Except that I'm going to write it to you, and not to her because that would be weird.

My grandma lived a life of abundant joy. I've been contemplating the 'why' behind that for a while now. It was definitely a combination of many things. But a couple of them stuck out as major sources, to me at least.

One of the first things I realized when I thought about it, is that her house is always full of people. Always. I don't think I've ever gone to visit her and been the only one there. Usually, someone(s) is already there when I arrive, more people show up while I'm coming, and even more are expected after I leave.

The reason for that is simple, everyone who knows Grandma wants to be around her. She exudes love for all. I'm pretty sure she has over 50 grandchildren and I have no idea how many great-grandchildren. A lot. But she somehow kept up with everyone. And genuinely cared about everyone. Even though my children are young, they talk about her frequently because she makes such an impression. And they adore her.

And that's why she was constantly surrounded by people. She made everyone feel loved, needed, and important. She always listened to everything I had to say, regardless of its true merit. It mattered to her because I mattered to her.

That is a quality I will strive my whole life to obtain. I think it came naturally to her. It's just the kind of person she was. But I learned from watching her that her selflessness in putting other's interests first actually brought her joy. So, even though I sometimes feel that I have to take care of myself first in order to ensure happiness, that isn't necessarily true. She found great joy in caring for others.

The other thing I want to share is what the title is about today. I guess it's kind of related to what I just talked about because it's about love as well. Maybe I could have just summed this whole post up by telling you that the best route to abiding joy is simply to fill your life with love.

But the love between my grandma and grandpa is so profound, I'm going to share it with you. Because it will bless your life the way it's blessed mine.

I have never witnessed a deeper, purer love than the love between them. They were always saying the sweetest things to and about each other. But I want to illustrate their love with one story that my mom recently shared with me.

This happened after my parents were married, but before I was born. I hope I get all the details correct. My grandma had been telling my mom how much she was looking forward to attending her 50th high school reunion. When she came to visit my mom shortly after the date, my mom eagerly asked her how it was.

She hadn't made it.

My grandpa had gone somewhere, I think to the store, and had lost track of time and didn't return home in time to go to the reunion. Shocked, my mom asked my grandma how mad she was at grandpa.

Not at all. She said she knew he hadn't done it on purpose, or to hurt her. If my memory is correct, she didn't even talk to him about it.

I couldn't believe it when my mom related this to me. What an example of true love! On both of their parts. She trusted in my grandpa's love enough to overlook her cause for hurt. And she loved him enough to instantly forgive him for his oversight.

I think about all the times I've felt the need to "punish" HH for some oversight on his part by staying mad at him for a long time. Now, I try to remember my grandma and just trust in that fact that I know HH never desires to hurt me. So, there's no need to be mad and hold a grudge.

I'm not at my grandma's level of love and forgiveness yet. But I'm closer because of her example. It hadn't really occurred to me that choosing to not be mad at all was an option. But there's no joy in choosing the mad option.

Really, I'm not surprised that is the choice my grandma made. To develop a love as strong as theirs, I'm sure they didn't waste much time, if any, being upset with each other. Instead they built each other up with loving compliments and support. They are as unified as any couple could possibly be. And what greater joy can anyone have than to have that kind of love?

When my grandpa passed away last December, I hurt for my grandma the most. Because I knew that I couldn't even imagine the pain she felt at living each day without him right by her side. He had been unwell for a while and she had tirelessly cared for him. She was his greatest cheerleader and stayed by him even when she was unwell herself.

And so, I wondered how she found the strength to wake up each morning and go on without him there. But she is the strongest person I've ever known and she knew she'd be with him again someday. Those are details for another post, though.

The point is, she did get up every day and she did keep going because of her love for her children. She fought hard. Harder than was really possible. She even made a couple miraculous recoveries. But her time to rest has finally come. And I am overjoyed to know that she is reunited with my grandpa, the love of her eternal life.

I miss her. So terribly much. But I will be forever grateful for the legacy she left, for the example she set, and for the amazing difference for good she made in my life.

Patience, Please

So, I have this crazy cold that can't decide if it's coming or going for a couple of months now. Only, now maybe it's decided it's coming. Which is my way of whining and telling you I'm siiiiick. With 5 i's.

Did anyone else see that episode of Full House?

Does anyone else remember it?

Okay, now that we've established my coolness. And my sickness. I'm not going to post tonight. Because I'm not feeling capable of anything coherent, let alone inspiring. My plan is to post tomorrow. But on top of being unwell, we just adopted a cute little un-house-trained puppy.

So, she keeps me hopping.

But she's cute.

But she refuses to come downstairs where my computer is. So, I will do my best to post tomorrow.

In the meantime, if anyone would like to write a post for me and email it to me at abidingjoyblog@gmail.com, I can't tell you how much I'd appreciate it. Even if you don't get it done by tomorrow, I would love some more guest bloggers. Or returns from our previous guest bloggers. If you have any friends who are not readers of our blog, but seem to have some of the secrets of abiding joy figured out in their lives, please invite them to write a post. That idea came to me today as I listened to a woman I don't know speak in church today. Unfortunately, she disappeared before I could track her down and ask her to contribute. If I ever find her and get her to agree to it, I know it will be good.

And, while I love this blog, I don't mind a week off every now and then. (c:

The Power of Memory

Do you ever feel kind of like the wold is crumbling around you? Over the past month or two, so many of our friends and family have hit incredibly difficult trials. We remain untouched (knock on wood), aside from sharing their grief and wondering how we can help. A couple major things hit this week, so it's all been on my mind lately.

And then I came across an email my mom sent me a while back with a suggestion for a post. As I read the email, I felt that it wasn't a coincidence and that I am supposed to post about it tonight.

It's based on a quote from Sterling W. Sill, a former general authority (or leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints):

"A memory can be trained to forever see virtue, beauty, and faith as it was experienced at its highest point. One of the most devastating hazards threatening the quality of our lives is forgetfulness... Hang on the walls of your mind the memory of your successes. Take counsel of your strength, not your weakness. Think of the times when you rose above your average level of performance, and carried out an idea or a dream or a desire for which you had deeply longed. Think of the great moments in your life. Hang these pictures on the walls of your memory and look at them as you travel the roadway of life... Memory can also be our shield in temptation, our courage in weakness, and our anchor in Godliness."

My mom always sends such good things my way. Don't you like that quote? I do.

It's so easy to get caught up in remembering our failures and our struggles. But he's right, we can train our memories. If you've got positive and negative to choose from, why choose the negative? There's no purpose in that. But in remembering your successes and triumphs, you can relive that joy and motivate yourself to continue in that way.

Without really realizing it, this is one of the best tools I've been using to overcome my depression. I think I've told you before that I used to always tell myself "I can't do this." And that was that. I would call HH in tears and beg him to come home early from work because I couldn't handle mothering my children and making dinner and cleaning the house, etc.

But HH knew I could. And that if he left work early ever day, he'd probably get fired. So, he didn't come home early. It made me mad even though I knew he couldn't really do anything differently. But I've always told him that I never claim to be a rational being. I'm not.

Anyway, getting back on track, things started to improve and so I found myself not even thinking about placing those calls any more. Then one day, a month or two ago, it happened. And I picked up the phone and started to dial. But then I thought about all those other times that I called and he didn't (couldn't) come home. I survived each and everyone of those days. They weren't great days, but I survived them on my own until he was able to get home.

So, I hung up the phone before he answered and put it back in its place.

And then I think we played Candy Land and we actually ended up having a fine remainder of the day.

But the point is, since then there have been a couple other times that I've been tempted to place that call and then I remember that day. I can even remember exactly where I was standing when I hung up, is that weird? But I picture it. And I remember my sudden awareness of my own strength and I draw on that. And we survive.

And HH is so relieved to not receive those calls anymore because, as I'm sure you can imagine, they were super hard on him, too.

It's a small thing, maybe. But for me, that memory of that moment when I said "no" to letting my depression win, just for one night, is huge. It's all that I need to say "no" time and time again.

But I believe we can use Elder Sill's advice in a whole variety of circumstances. When I get frustrated about not being in the kind of shape I'd like to be, I remember my triathlon last year, and I know I can get there again. And when I feel discouraged about my abilities, I remember all the hard work and training I put into that, and I know I can accomplish anything if I have a goal and a plan and put in the day-to-day effort.

A couple weeks ago, Little M asked if we could go to the zoo after naps. I told him we'd see. He woke up and asked again and I said "yes". He's talked about that a few times, to me and other friends.

One time, I asked Mommy if we could go to the zoo--and she said 'yes'!!!

The look on his face as he retells it, let's me know that memory is bringing him huge amounts of joy (and maybe that I need to say 'yes' to his suggestions more often!).

I know you've all had moments of triumph. Whether it's putting down the phone when you're really tempted to make a useless phone call, or climbing Mount Everest. You've done great things. If you're shaking your head 'no', then you really need to dust off that memory and start retraining it. Focus on those moments of success, big and small. They will bring you joy.

And they will buoy you up when the hard times come. And they will come. But you can persevere. Because you're strong and you can do hard things. Just remember the hard things you've already done.

To those of you going through the hard times right now, I just want to say, I'm sorry. I wish I lived close to each of you so I could bring you dinner and give you a hug. But you are in my prayers. I love you.

Don't Quit

My in-laws are here right now, so I'm going to be quick.

I came across this quote in a great book I've been reading. It's called I Am a Mother, by Jane Clayson Johnson. I've recommended it to a couple of you already and I extend that recommendation to all of you. It's a great book, reinforcing the influence and importance of women. And also combating the myths of "the Super Mom".

So, here it is:

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit...
Success is failure turned inside out.
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit.
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

--Author Unknown

My take on this is that sometimes life is just plain hard. There is no way to "positively think" your way out of it. It's just yucky. But you keep going. And working and trying. Even though it's hard. And then things get better--because you don't quit.What do you think?Enjoy your week!