Day 1206: Too Many Posts

Today really deserves to be divided into at least three posts.  Maybe even four.

But, I'm tired and it's late and I'm just waiting for a load of laundry to finish.

I know it's been a while since I posted.  We are on vacation and I was busy busy busy getting everything ready for this trip.  It's sort of epic.  My oldest three kids will be gone a little over three weeks total when all is said and done.

Thankfully, I'll be home before that.

Right now, it's me and the four kids.  No HH.

Which is more than a little rough.

We're visiting my family and I love it.  The kids are in heaven and my parents are spoiling all of us.  And helping out a ton.

But, I underestimated just how little sleep I'd be getting with Darling A being quite restless at night.

And I severely underestimated how challenging Baby B would be.  My house is Baby B proofed.  And I don't go many places with him, but without HH.

It has been so stressful because every time he wanders off (every 3 minutes), I have to jump up and hunt him down to make sure he wasn't getting into/breaking/destroying anything.  I only partially succeeded.  This happens on occasion at our home, but it's a lot worse at someone else's.  He broke the screen on a door at my aunt's house.  He broke my parents' ladder ball set.

And who knows what else that we haven't discovered yet?

And that's with me keeping close tabs on him!

Ugh.

This wasn't even supposed to be part of today's post.

I'm just struggling.  I knew I would some.  But, I thought/hoped I'd be doing better than this.

I just need my HH.

Today was our 10th Anniversary.  Nothing like being apart to drive home just how much I love and need him.  And he was so sweet and had flowers delivered to me here.  They are beautiful.  And even from the same florist who did our wedding flowers.  I'm sure he did that intentionally... :)

We spent the first half of our day with my mom in Salt Lake City, Utah.  I wanted the kids to see so many buildings and sites that are significant to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  There were a lot of good moments.

And a lot of really bad.  I got mad.  And upset.  And how I treat my children is always one of the surest indicators of my emotional state.  So, I feel bad.  And I'm worried, because this vacation isn't even halfway through!

Fortunately, we all survived and I'm hopeful that there was enough good in the outing that it will be a positive memory for them.

We got home and I hurried to get ready to go sailing with my dad.  He bought a boat a couple of years ago, but it has never worked for me to go sailing with him, for one reason or another.  We finally made it happen and I am so glad!  Sailing with him was really fun and it's so peaceful and serene on the water.

But, the best part of it all was getting to talk to my dad.  Just me and my dad for several hours (a HUGE thanks to my mom for watching my tired and cranky kiddos!).  We covered quite the variety of topics.  He had me in tears with laughter at one point, and almost in tears again with a heart-to-heart.  I love my dad so much and my time with him today will go down as one of my favorites with him.  Of that I am certain.

And then we came home and things were okay for a bit, but then there were some challenges getting the kids to bed.  I needed to take care of them, a way-overtired Sweet P, two loads of laundry (the kids keep coming to me because they are out of clothes already!), a shower, and finally (hopefully) dinner.  Those are the moments when I really don't do well.  When I'm needed at so many tasks.  All urgent.  And all keeping me from getting to bed which is what I really need.

Although, I could also feel that I needed to get some thoughts down in writing, so having to stay up isn't an all bad thing.

I just hate that I'm struggling.  I don't get to see my family very often and I want to just be happy and relaxed.  And I don't want to be a total wreck when HH flies out and I finally get to see him again.  Or, when we're with his family next week.

And I'm just kind of disappointed because I thought I'd last longer than three days before the struggle hit.

Today was such a long day.  Filled with some major highs and some major lows.  Hopefully, I'll get some sleep tonight and tomorrow can be a little more consistent on the highs.