Day 1062: Ho Ho Ho

At church on Sunday. I learned that 9 people had turned down the request to be Santa at the Christmas party.  My response?

HH will do it!  HH would LOVE to do it!

He's really so great at that sort of thing.  He loves kids and they love him.  And, honestly, everything is more fun when HH is involved.  So, he seemed a natural fit.

Except physically speaking, of course.

And to his credit, he really didn't take any convincing and was quite willing.

So, tonight was the party.  I knew the kids would not be fooled, so we told them beforehand so they wouldn't spoil it for any other child.  And I thought it was going to be awesome to get a fabulous picture of the kids with Santa, for once.

Ah, ha ha.  Joke's on me.  This is the best I got.

The first half of the party was a little stressful.  I was bringing potato casserole and a salad.  The afternoon/evening was too chaotic for Darling A to get a late nap in to help with her being out late, Baby B was having a not-so-good-day, the kids needed their costumes for the Nativity scene, and HH and I were both stressed, having thought the other person would have more time to help us with our own preparation for the party.

So, we showed up in less than the best of moods.  Baby B continued downhill and there weren't enough seats.

It was rough.  But, gradually, things worked themselves out.  Baby B and I enjoyed a quiet dinner on the floor.  Sounds bad, but really, I think a little alone time with me was exactly what he needed.  And the quiet time was good for me, too.

Other than needing to help the kids and HH with their costumes at the exact same time and missing the entire Nativity production, the rest of the evening was a smashing success.  HH did a fabulous job.  The kids were all so happy.  He was cracking jokes and entertaining everyone in ear shot.  He didn't complain once about sweating buckets under the suit (and the jacket he'd layered on to try and add bulk to his less-than-Santa girth).  And more than one child walked away saying "That was the real Santa!"  Including one who had previously been told that it was, in fact, HH.

I love HH.  I love that I can volunteer him for things like this and know that not only will he do it, but that he'll do it happily and well.  I love that after an evening of snippy remarks to each other, I can say, "hey, I'm willing to clear the slate and start over, so we can have a good time if you are", and he will.  I love that I learned that move from him.

And I love that he's man enough to put on a wig that inspires his toddler to declare, "You look like a grill (girl), Daddy!"

Day 1061: Oh, okay

It's time for a confession:  I seem to have damaged my foot.  It's been hurting since mid-to-late October.  I've been taking it easy, only ran a few times since my relay and not at all since Thanksgiving, pretending like it's not there and not causing pain every moment of every day (and night), and fully expecting it to heal any day.  But, this week it actually got worse.  Without me doing anything (besides going about my daily tasks of housecleaning and meal preparing) to aggravate it.  Sooooo not fair.

So, this morning started off well enough.  Me being happy and grateful for this long-lasting good mood wave I've been riding.  I stopped in at the chiropractor so he could adjust my foot.  It has worked with my previous foot injuries, so I've been having him treat this for a few weeks now.  I talked to him about the sudden increase in pain and he agreed that the top of my foot is indeed swollen and then casually mentioned that it was quite possibly a neuroma.

And that another of his clients recently had surgery to have just such a neuroma removed.

What?!

I'm a runner.

I happen to be vitally dependent on my feet.

Surgery = Death to Running.

Which is a huge part of who I am and what I have planned for both my short term and long term future.

I called HH and told him about the potential diagnosis.  He looked it up online and  read me the rundown.  Surgery is not the only (or most successful) treatment.  However, none of them were very optimistic sounding.  Running sounds like it will be out.  Vibram Five Fingers sound like they're out.  Cute suede boots sound like they'll be out.  Sexy snake skin heels sound like they'll be out.

Orthotics and big black supportive boots sound like they'll be in.

Boo.  Boo.  Boo hoo.

I tried really hard to keep my thoughts from traveling down that road all day.

It didn't help that I was very tired (Darling A had us up quite a bit the night before) and Baby B fell of the Happy Train as well.  There were a few other minor issues in there, too, and I was just sort of done.

HH and I had a bit of conflict tonight (mainly caused by the aforementioned fatigue for both of us) and even though we resolved things, I still just feel yucky and sad.

I'm trying really hard to find the most optimistic outcome here (I mean, I haven't even been to my podiatrist yet, so there is no official diagnosis!), but with it being something so near to my heart, it is a struggle.

The good news is, I know that the majority of today's pain and grumpies is a direct result of being so exhausted.  So, I'm going to bed super early and I fully expect to wake up in a much better mood in the morning.

Day 1060: Oh, Those Elephants

Had another good day again.  I've started to notice that I have a smile on my face most of the time, with no effort.  It's really nice and fun.

My mom sent a request to my siblings and I for experiences concerning hope to help her with a talk she's giving on Sunday.  As I did my scripture study this morning, I thought about that and then sent her the following in an email:

In Ether 2:25 the Lord tells the brother of Jared that He wants to prepare him for the trials they'll face in crossing the ocean  Then He asks, "What will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?"

Being "swallowed up in the depths of the sea" sounds a lot like depression, so I pondered what I would ask the Lord to provide me with so I may have light during those times.  And the reminder of the Atonement is the answer I came up with.  If I can remember (or be reminded) that I have that to rely on and cast my doubts, burdens, and fears on then I can have the light of hope--even when swallowed up in the depths of the sea.  

I'm learning that the light that hope provides is enough.  It doesn't remove all of the pain of the depression, but it is enough.  Enough to give me the strength, courage, and desire to keep trying and keep fighting because I have hope that through the Savior's Atonement, I can become better in every way.  And even if that doesn't all happen tomorrow, it's still okay because I have the hope that eventually, it will.  And the prospect of an eternity in which to develop, grow, and become perfect with the aid of my Father in Heaven is maybe one of the greatest sources of hope I can think of."

Just thought I should share that as it has been a very important part of the process I'm going through here.

In other news, my friends threw a White Elephant party (also known as Yankee Swap for you East Coasters) tonight.  We had a lot of fun.  I love my friends.  And I went home with two pretty glasses (and the promise of a very talented friend to etch a monogram into them) and a cute bracelet.  It wasn't a true White Elephant in which the gifts are basically funny junk.  Sadly, some of my friends aren't into that.  So, they were all gifts that people would actually want.

And the best news is that I left at 9:45 PM.  Not early enough to quite get to bed on time, but still several hours earlier than everyone else.  Besides the friend I gave a ride to, knowing she'd want to leave early as well.  So, I'm proud of myself for being disciplined for once.  It helped that I announced to everyone as soon as I showed up that I'd be leaving at 9:30.  Even though I'm sure they would have been happy to have me stay, it still gave me a little more to be accountable to.

Day 1059: For Really Real?

I did wake up in a much better mood this morning.  Hooray!

The day went well enough.  Nothing too crazy or eventful.  HH took the kids to violin tonight because the school was hosting a Skate Night at the local roller rink and it made a whole lot more sense for him to take them than me.

So, I took the younger two out for some errands and guess what?!  I'm all finished with Christmas shopping.  Finito.  Is that a word?  I don't know.  But I'm done and I'm a little in shock about that fact, but I am positively thrilled.

Now, I just have to wrap things up and get to the post office for the gifts that need to be shipped to family far away.

But, I'm done!!!!

And get this--Baby B was awesome the whole trip.  He had a couple minor, almost-meltdowns, but was able to recover quickly before it ever became an issue.  Or, even drew the attention of another shopper.  He was so sweet and fun and helpful (and obedient!) and it was fabulous.

Life is good, People.  Life is good.

Day 1058: Thank Goodness For Mornings

Today was sort of a frenzied day.

The morning rush was just a bit more chaotic than usual and it just went on from there.  I was doing my best and handling things alright though.  It just was taking extra effort.

I had another therapy session this morning where I explained that I wanted to totally switch up the goals I'm working on there.  Don't worry, I'm still working on my kindness goals--it's just that I feel confident in my ability to work on those on my own.  After giving it some thought throughout the week, I came up with some goals a lot more applicable to the reason I'm there in the first place.  The first one is finally disciplining myself enough to go to bed at a reasonable time consistently.

I'm excited.

Anyway, the rest of the day continued on in the way of the morning.  I struggled through and was able to stay just above the line.  But then, I had a serious set back.  It's a long story, but we're having some conflict with some neighbors and it's weird because we've never actually spoken to them before.  We have no issue with them, but there has been a bit of a misunderstanding apparently.  I've been trying since yesterday afternoon to go over and explain that no offense was intended, but gotten a weird reception each time and never been able to talk to an adult at the home.  And after the third try tonight, I couldn't take it any more.  It was stressful every time I tried to go over and I had to kind of psych myself up and remind myself that everything was okay but it's scary talking to someone who doesn't know me and yet, is incredibly upset with me.

Long story a little less long--I wrote a note and sent HH over to try and talk to them one more time, or tape the note to the door.  HH ended up being able to talk with the husband over there and got everything sorted out and now, I think we probably should start being a little more social with them, so they'll just talk to us before getting upset the next time (hopefully, there won't be a next time!).

In the meantime of my frazzledness, Darling A was just kind of fussy and ornery tonight.

Not like her usual self at all.  AT. ALL.

I was struggling so much to stay okay that it took me a little while to really tune into this, rather than just be annoyed by it.  But, when I finally did, I noticed that she was staring with as much jealousy as a sweet little baby is capable of at my dinner each time it rose up to my mouth and went in.

So, we did this.  I was planning on waiting a couple more weeks until 6 months, but she clearly was ready.  She did great.  We didn't even get a really great picture because she pretty much took to it like an old pro.  She downed two servings (of only 2 or 3 tablespoons each, but still!).

And then, she was so giggly and happy.  I've never had a baby be that demanding of the first meal.  I love watching her little personality peep through.  So fun.  She seems to be taking after her mama more and more all the time.  A little demanding?  Check.  Super interested in food?  Check!

Anyway, I'm happy with myself for fighting so hard today.  But, I'm also so glad that it's almost bedtime and I can wake up tomorrow and start fresh.

Day 1057: Bigger

So, a month or so ago, the kids were given the opportunity to sign up to play with the local symphony orchestra tonight.  HH and I thought that sounded like a good idea, so we signed them up.

I thought it was just going to be a low key little performance where the orchestra accompanied them in a few pieces and then it was done.

Turns out, it was the other way around and the kids were a part of a much bigger concert including a shortened version of Charles Dicken's "A Christmas Carol", beautiful music by the symphony orchestra, and parts of the Nutcracker ballet performed.  With the kids playing their part in the middle.  A friend asked if I was nervous for them.  I think if I'd understood what they were a part of initially, I might have been, but since I only caught on gradually, it didn't occur to me.

And they did great.  There were probably over a thousand people in the audience (I'm really  not good at those sorts of estimates), but they didn't seem nervous at all.  And it was fun to here the guy sitting behind us comment on what a great tie Little M was wearing (the guy didn't know it was Little M, but he was on the front row and the guy said it right when he walked out.  And, I'll be honest, he did look pretty awesome in his tie).

The whole evening was really nice.  A beautiful concert and a great way to get into the Christmas season.  And now the kids are pretty dang proud of themselves.  Sweet P has been talking about it quite a bit since and how she must be famous since she played in such a big performance center where other famous people have played.

I love it.

Day 1056: Musicians

It's recital time again!

We had the studio recital today.  It was very enjoyable.  Made all the more so by our sweet neighbors who showed up to support the kids and totally made their day.  They even gave Sweet P a rose.  We have great neighbors.

Love this dapper man and his style!

My pretty princess and her awesome instructor that she totally looks up to and admires!

In the past, I've gotten really caught up in them playing these pieces perfectly, and felt disappointed when they didn't.  But today (with more than a little help from their awesome instructor), I was able to just enjoy the experience with them and to focus on the things they did do REALLY well (i.e. keeping eyes on the violin the whole time, or fantastic bow circles) and just to hopefully, help boost their confidence and their desire to continue playing.

And I felt good about that.

Earlier in the day, we got to wish HH's mom a happy birthday and then set up to do "Face Time" on HH's new iphone with her during the recital.  So, she got to watch it live and that was pretty cool.  It makes me sad that we're out here on our own and our families (my kids included) miss out on those kinds of things.

After a quick dinner at home, we left the kids with a sitter (first time for Darling A with a teenage baby sitter!) and went to a friend's home to listen to her perform an hour's worth of beautiful Christmas songs on the piano.  And I got to sit next to HH and hold his hand the whole time.  It's now been 10 years that we've been holding hands, but I still love it!

She's very talented, so it was beautiful and it brought together people from various aspects of her life, so I was able to get to know a woman I had only briefly met about a year ago, but who has been a bit of an inspiration to me since (she's a mom of teenagers and recently completed a half Ironman) and she actually was surprised when I said something about being a stay-at-home mom because she said I didn't look old enough to have kids.  Her jaw dropped when she asked how many and I responded with, "Four."  I'm not going to lie--that was kind of nice to hear.