Thursday, June 28, 2012

Day 925: Magic Dishwasher

My mama left early this morning.

This is the day I've been having anxiety about ever since bringing Darling A home from the hospital.  Fortunately, HH decided early on to just work from home for the next couple of days as we make the transition.

He does a pretty good job of filling in like my mom did.  But, I'm pretty sure we both miss those hands that magically took care of all the dishes and folded all the laundry.

His ability to do that was definitely a source for Joyful Moments.  And today went okay.  Some meltdowns from Baby B, but not as bad as some other days.

No photos from today, but here's one my mom took last night of my little escape artist trying to get her arms free from her swaddle blanket.

We had a Joyful Moment at her check up this morning when I learned that she's gained nearly a pound in the last 8 days, now weighing in at 8 lbs. 4 oz.  I don't want her to grow too quickly, but it's always nice to know that she's thriving well.

The truth is, I'm learning to come to terms with my feelings about her growing up.  She's our last one, so I've felt this sort of desperation to keep her small and tiny.  But, I realized today that if I get so sad about each growth and milestone she achieves, then I might as well miss her growing up because I'll not be enjoying it.  And really, that's all I can do, since she's going to grow whether I want her to, or not.

Today's Joyful Moment would be going out to dinner with my friends.  It was something I really struggled to do.  HH pretty much had to force me out the door.  And when I pulled up to the restaurant, it took all I had to force myself to blink back the tears and the panic rising and make myself walk inside.  I don't really want to see people I know right now because it's kind of hard to act like a normal person and not reveal just how very much I'm struggling.

But, I also knew that is what would help me the most.

So, I gathered up all my strength and did it.

It was hard not to keep checking the time and fighting the urge to leave early, but I did it.  I stayed.  I even retold my birthing story.  And then, I went home.  And I felt better.  Completely drained, but better.

I may rise out of this black hole yet.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments that are hard, but worth it--and an HH to force you to do what's best!

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