Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Day 1164: Turning A Corner

Remember the hard thing I did last week?  Well,  it really didn't go well/as I hoped/expected.  It was a real challenge for me to get through.  It turns out that allowing myself to be a little bit vulnerable is the most difficult challenge for me to face.

Fortunately, Darling A has reached a point where she will not focus long enough to nurse if there is anything at all going on around us.  Why is this fortunate?  Because it means that I now spend a couple hours a day alone with her in the quiet of my room.  And while she eats, I read.  Mostly talks from General Conferences.  So, I'm constantly being reminded that Heavenly Father loves me, trials are a part of the growing process, and I need to have faith.

Not always what I wanted to be reminded of, but definitely what I needed to be reminded of.

So, it got me through the weekend.  I wasn't exactly happy, but I didn't really get depressed either.  And given the ups and downs of the past couple weeks, that is a really big deal.

I forgot to mention that yesterday was my therapy appointment.  I think I'm finally feeling comfortable(ish) with that whole situation.  Which makes it easier to be open and honest about so many undesirable topics.  Easier, but still not easy.  Especially, when he wanted to push a topic I really did not want to discuss.  We might have had a bit of a stand off.  A "stare off" is actually more accurate.  He won, but not outright.  And it took me almost a whole day to not be angry about it.  Not a real strong anger, just kind of an annoyed anger.

So, on my run this morning, I realized I was no longer upset about it and that was nice.

Also, in therapy yesterday, my therapist suggested that perhaps one of my good friends benefited from the difficult thing I did in reaching out.  I hadn't thought about that.  But, today, that seemed to maybe be correct.  Plus, everything was fine, despite what I was worried about and that was a huge relief.

Here's my little chubbers, so proud to be standing.

We're all learning and growing stronger around here.  Good things are happening.


Meg said...

have you read lesson 7 from the Lorenzo Snow manual? I think you'd like it. :)

Linda said...

What is Darling A doing standing at the couch like she's growing up???? I don't know about you, but I'm not ready for her to be so big. And I agree with Meg about you liking Lesson 7.