Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Day 139: Um... Yeah.

This is another post for the faceless void. As in, for some reason it feels so personal I considered not posting it.

Today was pretty much awful. For a number of reasons.

One of which being that Sweet P had her surgery to implant a hormone that will help to halt the progress of her condition. It feels like the right thing to do and we fought so hard to get it approved, but it still makes me nervous for so many reasons. I just wish I could fix it for her, so she could avoid all of this. I wish I could protect her from everything.

She's a daddy's girl, so she had her daddy sit with her while going through all the pre-op stuff and then again as she was coming out of the anesthesia (only one of us was allowed to stay with her because the other had to stay out in the waiting room with her brothers. Since many of the kids in there have compromised immune systems, they don't want a bunch of little kids running around.). But then she had a weird rash, so they called me back to check it. She just has highly sensitive skin, so she gets that sort of thing all the time. I informed the staff of this and was about to leave so HH could come back when Sweet P asked me to stay and gripped my hand. Lately, she's kind of been mad at me all the time, so this was very comforting to my heart.

But given the circumstances, it doesn't really feel like it was an actual Joyful Moment, even though that's what I was originally going to share.

So, even though it's a repeat, this is all I have: Today was rotten, but Baby B was always there to do his thing. He really is my saving grace so much of the time. He is so smiley. His whole face lights up when his eyes meet mine. And everything else sort of melts away. Or at least feels bearable.

And he's right on the verge of beginning to vocalize. Right now it's just funny little sounds, but those soft ahh's are right around the corner. It's so adorable.

Where would I be without him to provide so many Joyful Moments and bring light into the darkest of days? I'm so grateful for the gift and blessing he is in my life.

And for a mama who recognized that today would be rough and reached out in support. Thanks, Mom.


Meg said...

Kayli was so cute when she described the experience. She's so brave! And so are you! I love you. Here's to tomorrow, which will most likely be better, right? :)

My joyful moment was watching Wyatt kick a soccer ball for the first time! And then reading all the comments- it makes me such a proud Mama when other people recognize that's he's SUPER cute.

Lisa Carlson said...

Sorry you had a rough day. We've had to do some surgeries with Daniel, so I know how hard it is to watch your little one go through that. I hope it was all successful.

Linda said...

I wish I'd been there; that would have made me feel better; I'm not sure I could have reach a joyful stage about it, but I'd love to have been there to help. My heart was there. I'm grateful that you're on this side of the surgery. And very very very proud of your Sweet P.

My joy tonight is from another afternoon w/ Meg & Wyatt, a shared visit with them and a former YW I love, a phone call from a dear friend, and a walk with my sweetheart in the rain.

Nikki said...

Oh, sweet Cheryl, my heart goes out to you. That sounds like a terribly difficult situation. Hugs.

Christy said...

You are an inspiration for choosing to find something positive about every situation. Thanks for being a great example. :)

Melanie said...

We love you and your family. We'll be praying for you.