So, here's the thing: I like to do my daily prayer/scripture study/journal writing in the morning. When I do it first thing, the time flies by and it's so much more focused and effective. When I do it later in the day (if I remember to do it later in the day), I'm distracted by all of the day's demands and struggle to get in even a few minutes.
But---I have to get up by at least 6:30AM to make this happen. Sometimes, that doesn't feel all that early. But, I'm still tired from poor sleep for 9 months of pregnancy, followed by being up in the night for the past 7+ months feeding a sweet little baby. So, when the influenza struck and really messed with my sleep, I temporarily let myself sleep in until 7 every morning. Fully planning on getting back to the 6:30 wake up ASAP, when I was getting the sleep I need again. Or, at least something close to it.
But, it's been a full three weeks now. And I'm still not getting more than 2 consecutive hours of sleep a night. On top of the night sweats, Darling A has been waking up more frequently at night (she was going all the way to 5:30, or sometimes even 7 AM before her first waking!). I am so dang tired!
So, every night I would pray that I'd be able to get good sleep so I could finally start waking up at 6:30 again.
Last night I decided that was clearly not the order things were going to happen in. So, in my nightly prayer, I committed to get up this morning at 6:30--no matter what happened. I did this knowing that most likely the Adversary would disapprove of this new found resolve and that there would be plenty of disruptions to my sleep last night.
Don't worry. There were. I think Darling A is cutting teeth. Or something. She was up several times.
As I was crying after finally hitting a breaking point in the early morning hours, Ether came to mind and I was reminded that "if there be no faith among the children of men, God can do no miracle among them; wherefore he showed not himself until after a trial of their faith." And yes, me getting more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep would totally qualify as a miracle in my book. So, I am holding onto hope that if I consistently get up at 6:30 for scripture study, I will eventually start sleeping better.
One small miracle did happen this morning. Darling A started fussing at 6:20. I prayed and told the Lord I was committed to getting up at 6:30 to study and that I would try to study with her, but if He could help her sleep so I could have a more meaningful (and peaceful) study, I'd appreciate it. She quieted down shortly thereafter.
And then in my study I read the following:
For, do you not behold that I have agiven unto my servantbJoseph sufficient strength, whereby it is made up?" (The Lord will give me sufficient strength even if I'm not getting enough sleep. This is an interesting change in perspective. I've always felt unfortunate because no matter how hard I push my body physically, it just keeps going. I've sometimes wished I could reach such a point of exhaustion that it would give out so I could have the excuse to just give up and go to bed! But now I realize that what I thought was an unfortunate curse allowing me to push myself further than I ought to go is actually a blessing from a loving Heavenly Father giving me the strength to accomplish the tasks I need to no matter what.) "And neither of you have I condemned." (He hasn't given up on me)
"Do this thing which I have commanded you, and you shallaprosper. Be faithful, and yield to no btemptation."(Blessings come after the trial of my faith)
work wherewith I have bcalled you, and a hair of your head shall not be lost, and you shall be clifted up at the last day. Amen.Stand fast in the a
So there. Blessings already for getting up at 6:30 today.
And then I woke the kids up and got ready to face the day only to promptly discover a message on my phone from the school saying it was a Snow Day.
This is an example of how we entertain ourselves on a snow day.
It was good though. It gave me a chance to try my new strategies. My bathrooms are cleaner. The boys bonded over Little M having to play trains with Baby B for being unkind this morning. And I feel much more confident and optimistic.