Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Day 160: The Best of Times

And the worst of times.

Today has been a bit of a revelation for me. One single day can hold many beautiful Joyful Moments (so many I'm having a difficult time choosing which to post). And that same day can hold horrible moments so awful that it pushed me way past my breaking point.

They told us that there would be some initial negative side effects with Sweet P's new treatment. That it would make certain aspects of her condition worsen before they get better. The reason I call her "Sweet P" is that she has always been a very sweet child. She's a bit of an old soul and has been very thoughtful and caring towards others, especially her family members.

Then as her condition developed, she became increasingly belligerent. I thought that was bad. But now she's just down right mean and unruly. I feel like I've lost my child because she's had this complete personality shift and I want my baby back. Her doctor said this is normal and that she should return to herself once her body adjusts to the medication. But it is not easy. I miss my Sweet P.

Combine that with extreme fatigue, the stress of trying to figure out this new diet for me and Baby B, and all the other things that come with being a wife, mother, and human being and I just feel like a broken person.

And yet, before all that, there were several Joyful Moments. And without this blog, I probably would have forgotten all of them after the hellish experience I suffered this afternoon.

A friend invited us to join them at the local children's museum. Little M has been begging to go ever since we bought our family pass, so it was a delightful Joyful Moment seeing his excitement when I told him where we were headed this morning. And of course, watching them play was another Joyful Moment.

My little sister called just as we were leaving and talking to her was yet another Joyful Moment. She's a new mama and she's such a good mama. I'm so amazed by the grace that she has in handling all of the trials she's faced with her tiny little baby coming earlier than expected.

And the final Joyful Moment I will share was listening to Little M "read" me a book that he had written. It was hilarious. I can't really remember any of it except one little part, "and there were bluebeyyies in the water. Yummy!" But you really had to hear it from him to get the full effect. He is so funny.

Thanks for listening tonight. I'm sorry if my recent posts have been downers. I'm trying. But it has made me all the more grateful for daily Joyful Moments.

Wishing you all an abundance of Joyful Moments, especially on the worst of days.


Meg said...

You are amazing. Today I found the journal that you wrote for me- and I couldn't help but open it up and read it again. I love that thing. Thanks a million.

Tonight I can't sleep and reading what you said about me was definitely my joyful moment for the rest of today. Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful and inspiring me to try and maintain that "grace" that you said I have.

I love you. :)

Meg said...
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Linda said...

I am praying for you - really praying! Parenting an adolescent is tough, but has to be even tougher when that adolescent is a pre-schooler. I love you. I'm proud of you for finding bright moments along the way. Thanks for sharing and lifting those of us who are reading.

I started my day off with a great feeling of optimism about finding a house. That lasted until I totally missed a stop sign trying to find the address of a house for sale, only to notice the stop sign as I passed it. I looked to my left to see if I was about to be hit only to see a police car with a policeman watching me. What did I do? Well, since I wasn't going very fast, I considered stopping mid- intersection and backing up to stop - I wondered if that would have erased my mistake? Instead, I just pulled over and waited for him to give a ticket. No, that wasn't my joy, but one of my own sweet p's gave me some great advice about not expecting myself to be perfect all the time and I allowed myself to listen and believe what she said. And THAT helped me get over it and feel joy once again.