Friday, September 30, 2011

Day 607: Intuition

This morning started out rough, including a run in which my broken-y foot still felt yucky.  But Little M was doing his best to cheer me up (which means, he was oblivious to my mood and was just being his usual cheery, chatty, silly self) around lunch time.  And then we got a knock on the door.

I knew who it would be.  Because she'd been trying to stop by for a while now, but I keep putting her off because I don't like to see people when I'm feeling this way.  Then I have to pretend to be happy and it just feels painful to do that lately.

But she's a persistent friend.  And a little "no nonsense", if you know what I mean.  And she ignored me when I just claimed to be "really busy".  And she came anyway.  Bearing gifts, no less.  Perfect gifts.  Snacks and a movie for the kids--"The Fantastic Mr. Fox", which Sweet P began watching while we were waiting for her surgery to begin way back in June, but then she never finished.  She also read the book over the summer, so I've been meaning to rent the movie, but kept forgetting.  Problem solved, now.  My sweet, intuitive friend also brought me delicious Godiva chocolate and some calming herbal tea.

But mostly, she brought love.  And just the right words.  And even though it made me cry (it seemed silly to pretend to be happy when it was clear that she knew better), it was my Joyful Moment.

This time around has been like my old Depression, from years ago, back when it was around pretty much all of the time.  Back when I was a depressed person who occasionally had good days, rather than being the happy person who occasionally has down days that I am now.

Otherwise, the visit from my friend from out of town would have cured things completely because it was so great to have her here and we had so much fun catching up and just being together.  And being laughy and chatty always knocks my depression right out of the water.  But when it actually started creeping back before she even left, I knew something was really wrong.  This was the kind of depression that has no trigger, no reason, and makes it feel impossible for me to ever escape.

Which just gets me more down.

With my usual depression, I know it will come to an end in a day or two, so I can kind of just endure it.  But with this other kind, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.  Which is, well, depressing.

Are you all feeling down yet?

The good news is, after my friend's visit, things started to look up a bit.  I found the strength to get back on the horse and keep fighting.  I was able to smile and laugh again with my family.  And that's always a good start.

I think I'm almost back to normal now.

So, thank you, Friend.

Wishing you all Intuitive, Persistent, No-Nonsense, Awesome Friends!


Nikki said...

Cheryl, what a beautiful gift from a dear friend. Your words are a gift to me, thanks for sharing your hills and valleys.

Meg said...

I love you! You are in my prayers. And I love your friend for doing the things that I wish I could be there to do for you. Tell her thanks from me, k?

Cheryl said...

Nikki and Meg--Thank you for always being so supportive and sweet!