Monday, November 19, 2012

Day 1045: Just A Bump


So, as I sat here tonight catching up for the past few days, I was pondering in the back of my mind just what I would post for today.  Or, if I would post for today.  Today.  Or, maybe another day.  It's always easier posting in retrospect.  I have the benefit of posting after things are resolved and it feels less vulnerable.

But, in the spirit of baring it all with the hope of benefiting someone else, here goes.

Today was actually a really great day.  The morning was a tad extra chaotic and stressful, but we made it everywhere on time and the items that I forgot we did okay without.

I did feel a little sick, but I was just chalking that up to having another appointment with my counselor.  I always get a little anxious before those.  But, it went really well.  I actually left in a good mood.  And the good mood persisted.  In spite of a fairly ornery Baby B, being genuinely sick (not just anxiety), and being super tired.  When the challenges popped up, I was able to use my new concepts and stay on the sunny side, if you will.

We had a fun Family Home Evening, focused on Thanksgiving and gratitude.  Simple and nice.  And then enjoyed some pumpkin bread baked fresh this afternoon.

And then the evening began to go a bit awry.  And I tried to get back on track a few times, but somewhere along the lines, I missed.  And I'm not exactly sure what went wrong.  Or, how to get back on track.

And I think that is the part that is bothering me the most.  Because I've been faced with challenges over the past few weeks, but I was able to resolve things enough with the new cognitive therapy stuff that even though it didn't always instantly return me to a good mood (I don't have crazy expectations of someday being able to be 100% happy 100% of the time), it got me within sight of that light at the end of the tunnel.  So, it was just a bad day, or a bad moment.

This, however, is starting to have some of the darker tinge that depression means.

But, not entirely.  Yet.  I'm still holding out hope that I'm just really tired and that things will feel much better in the morning.  I'm just a little lost right now.  But, I know this will pass and things will get better.

And maybe, sometimes that's the best I can do.  For now, it's enough.

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