Monday, March 22, 2010

Day 54: Cutting Back

I've battled an exercise addiction off and on for the last several years. I was in college when I realized this and I've tried to keep it in check ever since. But I've sort of been in denial for the past few months of my pregnancy.

Little M was a gigantic baby. For me at least. 9 lbs. 2 oz. He came out ready to eat and then did that almost constantly for the next three months. We're talking, he'd eat for an hour then I'd get a half hour break, then he'd eat for an hour, I'd get a half hour break. And on and on and on. Day in and day out. And I can't begin to describe how exhausting that was. Indescribably so, really.

So, I've developed this paranoia about having another big baby. And somehow I got it in my head that as long as I kept pushing it at the gym, this wouldn't happen. I know that those two things aren't really connected, but I've never claimed to be a rational woman. So, I kept dragging myself to the gym and pushing myself to go harder. And then I'd get home and try to do my daily cleaning chores, take care of my kids, and make dinner. And I just felt so tired (and cranky) all the time.

So, I've known what the problem was for a while, but it wasn't until today that I was finally able to let go of this irrational fear that my baby will suddenly gain 5 more pounds if I don't push it as hard as I can at the gym. I still went, but I kept it light.

And I felt such a difference today! The billions of loads of laundry were so much easier to wash and put away. And I still had energy to make dinner (although, I kind of cheated by using my crock pot). And I'm just in a better mood all around.

So, I was more open to Joyful Moments because I had the energy to not ruin them by staying in a better mood. And it was sort of a Joyful Moment in being proud of myself for being rational about my workout and not feeling guilty for cutting back a bit. Overall my day was more joyful because I didn't feel quite so wasted tired all day.

Wishing you all Joyful Moments found in cutting back and giving yourself permission to take a break!


Nikki said...

I can understand that. I also feel the same way about the crock pot, although I know that it's not even close to cheating :).

I am glad you were able to cut back and reap some very important benefits.

Melanie said...

watching my child finally get her braces off

Christy said...

thanks for sharing! I know the feeling!

Linda said...

Joy came from spending the day with Belky, her mom, and the girls - working out (I can't move my arms!), and walking all over the campus. And ending the day with a big bowl of ice cream. :0)