Thursday, May 13, 2010

Day 105: Confession

Okay, honestly, I'm really struggling right now. Between stress, exhaustion, guilt, Sweet P's stuff, exercise withdrawals, and just feeling frumpy and out of sorts 99% if the time, I'm not a very joyful person these days. With the exception of yesterday's photos, Joyful Moments are getting increasingly difficult to come by. And I kind of feel like a fake posting them each day. They are legitimate Joyful Moments, they just aren't as full of joy or as abundant.

But if you know me, please pretend like you didn't read this when we talk. I'm only confessing this here because I feel like I need to and it seems easier when it's a faceless void. I don't really like discussing this in person when I'm going through it. It bugs me to have someone concerned about me.

So... today's Joyful Moment? I think that would have to be sort of a vicarious Joyful Moment from when Little M got seriously giddy over a new box of cereal this morning--Quaker Oat Squares. They are tasty, but it was ridiculous how excited and giggly he was over the anticipation of eating them. And it was good for me to see that kind of reckless abandon for experiencing joy.

I really need to be more like my kids.


Linda said...

Wouldn't it be nice to be more like our kids? Then I'd be more like you! :0)

My most joyful moment today was reading sweet comments on my blog. love you, Cheryl!

Melanie said...

It has definately been one of the worst days of my life. So, finding joy admist everything takes a lot of thought. But, I know its there...I would have to say the carefree sweet expression of excitement and love my 2 year old shows to his father everytime he comes home. I will simply hold on to that thought for now to see me through.

Meg said...

Mine was taking a long overdue nap. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi, I don't really know who you are. Your blog was linked to a friend of mine's blog. And I just started reading, and really enjoyed and identified with all your posts. (I'm due with my 4th baby in July.) So, thank you for giving me a joyful moment!

Becky said...

One thing I've noticed over the 105 days that you've been doing this is that there's a huge difference between gratitude and joy. Our Relief Society President gave us little gratitude journals last Christmas and encouraged us to write in them daily. Every day I could find something to be grateful for, but those things didn't necessarily bring me joy,(like the day I discovered a fuel leak before the car blew up on me). But, you know, it's more likely that I'll actually feel joy when I'm deliberately searching for it. So, thanks so much for diligently sharing your joyful moments, whether they're low or high on the sliding joyfulness meter.

Markell said...

Hang in there. Some of the best advice I got after having a few kids was just to spend the first few weeks taking care of just myself and the baby. (I think this came from your mother, if I remember correctly.)

It takes a lot of time to feed and care for a newborn at first, not to mention the hormone changes, sleep deprivation, etc. Eventually you will catch up. You'll find a new routine, and things begin to feel a lot better.

Hopefully I can remember my own advice in a few months. :)